So that seems to be this and last week's theme, perhaps a theme for life: DON'T PANIC. We hear it all over the news now as the markets wobble on news of closings, bankruptcies and buy-outs. It is the answer to every level of the crisis..."If people/corporations/creditors/etc. can just stay calm..."
I've experienced it time and again, even recently, as a pastor and as a person. Panic and anxiety are perhaps the greatest destructive force we know. It's why FDR's line speaks to us throughout time, "So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself -- nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance." (From his First Inaugural Address)
And the truth is, we see this all the time. As I look back over the missteps in my life or ministry, I can almost universally say they were the result of panic. Of reacting to my own or others' fears without stepping back to take a deep breath. The irony always is that it's usually those whose own panic wratcheted up the system's anxiety that are the first and loudest to attack the system's response to it!
The key is finding ways to maintain relative calm in the face of challenges. That doesn't mean avoidance (we often call behavior like this passive-aggressive) but rather being able to be present but non-anxious.
These ideas have been skillfully drawn out by Rabbi Edwin Friedman in his writings, including Generation to Generation and A Failure of Nerve. Another favorite is Friedman's Fables--which I'm really hoping to lead a study of at church sometime soon.
Rabbi Friedman talks about how we live in a chronically-anxious society, and how this shapes us and all our interactions. He talks about this in the framework of family-systems theory, as he applies that lens not only to families but also to churches, businesses, governments, etc.
I could go on and on, but what has struck me here of late is how true this all is and has always been. It's a bit counter-intuitive. I mean, there's this natural tendency to tell ourselves there is a problem and we must fix it, and to feel an immediate time pressure to do so. But sometimes---perhaps far more often than we would like to admit---our rush to "fix" a problem simply exacerbates it.
May we all learn to take a step back a bit more often and think a bit before we rush to face a problem...both in our own lives, our churches, our nation, and our world!
Sarah
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
Changing Names (and other transitions)
So we returned from our honeymoon yesterday, and I've hit the ground running. As soon as Chris and I got back we headed to the Eagle Scout court of honor for one of the church youth, and after we got back and finally unpacked the car, I dived into e-mails. I get a bit ansy coming back to just get going. There's always an insane amount to catch up on, and that was certainly true since in addition to missing the three Sundays and two weeks I'd planned on, my sister's gall bladder surgery the week before it all really just threw me off kilter.
But I've been e-mailing, phone calling and such pretty furiously since early this morning, and though I'm still far from being caught up, I feel a bit like my feet might somehow get back under me some time this week...
I've also started looking into getting my name officially changed, and I'm anxious to just get that over with as well. So I may try to run to Hagerstown this afternoon to start working it out...boy it just takes a bit of focus!
It's strange (and I am told the strangeness will continue for a while at least) to get used to a new last name. At the court of honor, I was introduced 3 times in the course of the program, and each time it was a bit startling to remember that the Rev. Schlieckert they called was me! So yeah, it will be a strange adjustment.
I'm also, though trying to take advantage of this huge transition to look at other changes, like getting back into a good routine (I don't think I ever really hit my stride since returning from last year's mission trip), and really evaluating my priorities and how and who I am, naturally at least, as a pastor, and who I want to be. It's really easy to just get into a reactive mode, reacting to criticism or praise by avoiding or doing something someone wants, without really thinking through what's really happening. So I want to be more intentional about all that.
On top of all this, fall marks the return of conference meetings, etc., that always make my schedule a bit more hectic (and which always seem to be different days!). So hopefully this week I can get a handle on what's ahead this fall, and try to be proactive in setting up a schedule for the coming months...
...yeah, so I'm off to work on that...
:-) Sarah
But I've been e-mailing, phone calling and such pretty furiously since early this morning, and though I'm still far from being caught up, I feel a bit like my feet might somehow get back under me some time this week...
I've also started looking into getting my name officially changed, and I'm anxious to just get that over with as well. So I may try to run to Hagerstown this afternoon to start working it out...boy it just takes a bit of focus!
It's strange (and I am told the strangeness will continue for a while at least) to get used to a new last name. At the court of honor, I was introduced 3 times in the course of the program, and each time it was a bit startling to remember that the Rev. Schlieckert they called was me! So yeah, it will be a strange adjustment.
I'm also, though trying to take advantage of this huge transition to look at other changes, like getting back into a good routine (I don't think I ever really hit my stride since returning from last year's mission trip), and really evaluating my priorities and how and who I am, naturally at least, as a pastor, and who I want to be. It's really easy to just get into a reactive mode, reacting to criticism or praise by avoiding or doing something someone wants, without really thinking through what's really happening. So I want to be more intentional about all that.
On top of all this, fall marks the return of conference meetings, etc., that always make my schedule a bit more hectic (and which always seem to be different days!). So hopefully this week I can get a handle on what's ahead this fall, and try to be proactive in setting up a schedule for the coming months...
...yeah, so I'm off to work on that...
:-) Sarah
Monday, June 2, 2008
Schedules
So some people work well with a constantly changing schedule...not me. Now I like variety, and goodness knows I enjoy the thrill of the crunch--gearing up for a big event, tackling a huge task. But so much of the day to day work of being a pastor...or just life in general...seems to me to take a backseat when my schedule is in flux. So I'm excited that with Annual Conference over, my sister's graduation now behind us, and the summer ahead, I'm hoping I can get to something like an actual routine. Imagine that!
When I was in seminary I had to develop a "weekly schedule" as an assignment for a leadership class. I had a great one. Blocked time for visitation, sermon prep, devotion, meetings, etc. It was pretty impressive, and allowed for down time as well. It was awesome. But I've never been able to keep to it. There's always another meeting, a visitation that doesn't fit into a scheduled block, planning ahead for worship, or a phone call that eats my sermon prep time.
I know sme pastors do well as keeping a schedule. But I'm increasingly discovering that for many of those folks it took years in ministry to develop a schedule that actually worked for them. And they often have a secretary sitting outside their office to keep people from stopping in or calling all all times!
So we'll see if this week I can get back into a good routine. I know that when I do I'm able to get more done, and feel better about what has been done...and it also helps me keep good focus upon my own Christian disciplines...and you know, just generally not lose my mind!
When I was in seminary I had to develop a "weekly schedule" as an assignment for a leadership class. I had a great one. Blocked time for visitation, sermon prep, devotion, meetings, etc. It was pretty impressive, and allowed for down time as well. It was awesome. But I've never been able to keep to it. There's always another meeting, a visitation that doesn't fit into a scheduled block, planning ahead for worship, or a phone call that eats my sermon prep time.
I know sme pastors do well as keeping a schedule. But I'm increasingly discovering that for many of those folks it took years in ministry to develop a schedule that actually worked for them. And they often have a secretary sitting outside their office to keep people from stopping in or calling all all times!
So we'll see if this week I can get back into a good routine. I know that when I do I'm able to get more done, and feel better about what has been done...and it also helps me keep good focus upon my own Christian disciplines...and you know, just generally not lose my mind!
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Annual Conference and Other Epic Journeys
So the past couple of weeks have been like no other. It all started with a car accident...mine. On may way home Wednesday night two weeks ago, the combination of an ambulance behind me and deer suddenly appearing in front of me ended with my car pointing the wrong way on teh highway and the driver's side flush against the guard rail. The whole story is more detailed, but after two weeks of telling the story, I've gotten better at summarizing in.
In the following week, between the details involved in having totaled a car (and buying a new one), my mother being hospitalized for a kidney stone (she's doing well), church tasks (like a day at a hospital in DC and the general sermon-writing, planning and pastoral stuff), visit from my future in-laws (a nice respite in the midst of it all) and Annual Conference (where I was, by the way, ordained)...it was just, well, packed.
Annual Conference this year was a different experience for me since I was on the worship committee. I must say that despite the huge amount of work it all took, there was something nice about being able to watch all the happenings of AC from our worship room, on closed-circuit TV. Every once in a while, an important vote would happen, and out of our little side room would come rushing a few of us, hurrying to get in a seat to vote.
The issues that seemed the most interesting this year involved the selection of our conference's candidate for the episcopacy (we chose Peggy Johnson, who happens to be the wife of a past pastor at Jefferson) and a spat between the bishop and the Board of Ordained ministry that cause a stir over the nominations report. The long and short of that one is that sometimes trying to replace a bunch of longtime members of a committee (especially when they've asked to stay on) even at best looks a little suspicious. Some late night negotiations were held Friday night and Saturday a revised proposal was submitted to the AC (adding a few more long-time BOOM members to the new group). But for those who heard a bit of what happened behind the scenes, it's a bit disappointing. Dynamics even in church leadership are not always as mature and loving as we might like.
But, after some late nights at AC setting up for worship services, and after three years of seminary, three years of porbationary period as a commissioned minister in the UMC, I was finally ordained this past Saturday! And what a treat to have been able to have both my father and grandfather stand with me as my clergy sponsors! Just awesome!
And of course things continue with no break...this week I've got to finally nail down some details about summer programming, updates to our summer worship, and finally getting our website back on line. I had this grand idea of finding a better website program than I had, but I don't know I can at this point...so...I'll have to suck it up and just use what works for now!
Off for the night...and up again for an early morning and busy week! Well, what's left of it!
Sarah
In the following week, between the details involved in having totaled a car (and buying a new one), my mother being hospitalized for a kidney stone (she's doing well), church tasks (like a day at a hospital in DC and the general sermon-writing, planning and pastoral stuff), visit from my future in-laws (a nice respite in the midst of it all) and Annual Conference (where I was, by the way, ordained)...it was just, well, packed.
Annual Conference this year was a different experience for me since I was on the worship committee. I must say that despite the huge amount of work it all took, there was something nice about being able to watch all the happenings of AC from our worship room, on closed-circuit TV. Every once in a while, an important vote would happen, and out of our little side room would come rushing a few of us, hurrying to get in a seat to vote.
The issues that seemed the most interesting this year involved the selection of our conference's candidate for the episcopacy (we chose Peggy Johnson, who happens to be the wife of a past pastor at Jefferson) and a spat between the bishop and the Board of Ordained ministry that cause a stir over the nominations report. The long and short of that one is that sometimes trying to replace a bunch of longtime members of a committee (especially when they've asked to stay on) even at best looks a little suspicious. Some late night negotiations were held Friday night and Saturday a revised proposal was submitted to the AC (adding a few more long-time BOOM members to the new group). But for those who heard a bit of what happened behind the scenes, it's a bit disappointing. Dynamics even in church leadership are not always as mature and loving as we might like.
But, after some late nights at AC setting up for worship services, and after three years of seminary, three years of porbationary period as a commissioned minister in the UMC, I was finally ordained this past Saturday! And what a treat to have been able to have both my father and grandfather stand with me as my clergy sponsors! Just awesome!
And of course things continue with no break...this week I've got to finally nail down some details about summer programming, updates to our summer worship, and finally getting our website back on line. I had this grand idea of finding a better website program than I had, but I don't know I can at this point...so...I'll have to suck it up and just use what works for now!
Off for the night...and up again for an early morning and busy week! Well, what's left of it!
Sarah
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
The Proper Use of "Awesome"
So in the midst of the rush of the spring to summer transition, I've been trying to get back to a good routine with visitation...the Christmas to Easter rush seems to have hit all clergy in some way, and for me, it was getting behind visiting with folks. But catching up has been a treat. Here of late I've been to see several people, including Ginny Stamper and Ellen Lowery.
Yesterday, while visiting with Ellen, we got to talking about travel, and then onto airplanes. We both shared the thought that planes just do not seem like they should be able to fly. I mean, have you ever really thought of it? If you happened upon a plane, not knowing anything about planes, would you think something like that could stay in the air? In the course of that conversation, Ellen remarked that air planes truly are awesome. She said people use that word in many different ways, but in the most basic sense, planes are awesome. And I must say, after all the time I've spent with youth and kids, and my own use of that word, it just tickled me to hear it so appropriately used!
Annual Conference is next week, so I'm busy this week trying to get things set for all my non-AC responsibilities. Since I'm on the worship committee, the entire week I will be occupied with related stuff, it seems, especially since my fiance Chris' parents will be in town the first part of the week (yea!).
But I'm excited the sun is out today, especially since I'm out and about today with office hours, a funeral, a late lunch meeting, and you know, everything else! But a cup of coffee and a sunny morning are a great way to start the day!! Awesome!
:-) Sarah
Yesterday, while visiting with Ellen, we got to talking about travel, and then onto airplanes. We both shared the thought that planes just do not seem like they should be able to fly. I mean, have you ever really thought of it? If you happened upon a plane, not knowing anything about planes, would you think something like that could stay in the air? In the course of that conversation, Ellen remarked that air planes truly are awesome. She said people use that word in many different ways, but in the most basic sense, planes are awesome. And I must say, after all the time I've spent with youth and kids, and my own use of that word, it just tickled me to hear it so appropriately used!
Annual Conference is next week, so I'm busy this week trying to get things set for all my non-AC responsibilities. Since I'm on the worship committee, the entire week I will be occupied with related stuff, it seems, especially since my fiance Chris' parents will be in town the first part of the week (yea!).
But I'm excited the sun is out today, especially since I'm out and about today with office hours, a funeral, a late lunch meeting, and you know, everything else! But a cup of coffee and a sunny morning are a great way to start the day!! Awesome!
:-) Sarah
Sunday, May 11, 2008
When Trees Fall
So the weather in the Frederick/Washington County area (well, and all the way in Baltimore) just plain stinks this evening! It's cold, rainy and windy. My fiance Chris and were driving back to his house from Baltimore---where we'd had a Mother's Day dinner with my mom---and ran into (well nearly) a tree that completely blocked the windy mountain road to camp and his house! Chris was about to jump out and move it when he noticed it was resting on power/phone lines, so we headed for the long way to camp and called 911 to report it. So we're back at his house, just waiting for the phone or power to cut off (Chris is on the land line with his mom, so both losses would be annoying!). But it's just an interesting, subtle paranoia.
Church was great this morning--packed house at 9 am thanks in large part to the confirmation of 3 of our youth. This was my first group of confirmands at Jefferson, since a huge proportion of the youth (10) went through confirmation with the interim pastor a few months before I arrived. Jake, Josh and Connar are all cool kids, all different, and it was definitely a learning experience to lead confirmation. Chris had suggested we lead together, as opposed to using the mentor-based program by Willimon, and we ended up using Belton Joyner's Unofficial Handbook for United Methodists...which was a great pick, and had a great mix of humor and good info. And since he'd been one of my professors at Duke, it was an added treat.
We're approaching yet another morph to our Sunday worship schedule. Our contemporary worship service has taken many shapes and leadership during my time here, and low numbers have plagued us. And when my charge associate pastor, Michael, told me the current band would be stopping at the end of May, I wasn't sure what to do, and figured we'd have to finally cancel it. But Ad Council had the idea of making both services similar to each other, with a more "traditional" structure, and maybe bringing some more contemporary elements into the 9 a.m. So I'm actually really excited about it, and anxious to move beyond the "traditional" and "contemporary" distinctions. I'm looking forward to including even more creative elements in worship.
I tried my hand at an altar call of sorts in the 9 a.m. worship service this morning. Didn't go over well, but partly due to it not being really a part of this congregation's culture at the moment, my own inexperience in intro-ing something like that, and a difficult closing hymn that was the time people were to come forward. FYI everyone, Georgia Harkness' hymn Hope of the World may look good on paper but it's a beast for a congregation to sing for the first time! Poor Jefferson struggles under my sorry attempts to work through the current hymnal, since I've heard a new one may be coming. Of course it's years away, but there are a lot of strange and different (and unknown to my congregation) hymns to work through.
Meanwhile, I've been busying visiting shut-ins, and still needed to stop by and visit with more. A funeral Tuesday and various other little meetings, and Annual Conference is nearly upon us. So now being on the AC worship committee is really going to catch up with me! Next Monday, meeting Jenny Smith, pastor of Mt. Carmel UMC, we'll head to the conference center to pack all the stuff for worship...including (hopefully) a large waterfall that Trinity UMC in Frederick is loaning us. The whole water fountain thing was a big deal that I'm glad is settled, and the long and short of it is that some decisions just take longer than needed when decided by committee!
Well, the wind is howling, and electricity is still working, so I'll post now before I lost connection!
:-) Sarah
Church was great this morning--packed house at 9 am thanks in large part to the confirmation of 3 of our youth. This was my first group of confirmands at Jefferson, since a huge proportion of the youth (10) went through confirmation with the interim pastor a few months before I arrived. Jake, Josh and Connar are all cool kids, all different, and it was definitely a learning experience to lead confirmation. Chris had suggested we lead together, as opposed to using the mentor-based program by Willimon, and we ended up using Belton Joyner's Unofficial Handbook for United Methodists...which was a great pick, and had a great mix of humor and good info. And since he'd been one of my professors at Duke, it was an added treat.
We're approaching yet another morph to our Sunday worship schedule. Our contemporary worship service has taken many shapes and leadership during my time here, and low numbers have plagued us. And when my charge associate pastor, Michael, told me the current band would be stopping at the end of May, I wasn't sure what to do, and figured we'd have to finally cancel it. But Ad Council had the idea of making both services similar to each other, with a more "traditional" structure, and maybe bringing some more contemporary elements into the 9 a.m. So I'm actually really excited about it, and anxious to move beyond the "traditional" and "contemporary" distinctions. I'm looking forward to including even more creative elements in worship.
I tried my hand at an altar call of sorts in the 9 a.m. worship service this morning. Didn't go over well, but partly due to it not being really a part of this congregation's culture at the moment, my own inexperience in intro-ing something like that, and a difficult closing hymn that was the time people were to come forward. FYI everyone, Georgia Harkness' hymn Hope of the World may look good on paper but it's a beast for a congregation to sing for the first time! Poor Jefferson struggles under my sorry attempts to work through the current hymnal, since I've heard a new one may be coming. Of course it's years away, but there are a lot of strange and different (and unknown to my congregation) hymns to work through.
Meanwhile, I've been busying visiting shut-ins, and still needed to stop by and visit with more. A funeral Tuesday and various other little meetings, and Annual Conference is nearly upon us. So now being on the AC worship committee is really going to catch up with me! Next Monday, meeting Jenny Smith, pastor of Mt. Carmel UMC, we'll head to the conference center to pack all the stuff for worship...including (hopefully) a large waterfall that Trinity UMC in Frederick is loaning us. The whole water fountain thing was a big deal that I'm glad is settled, and the long and short of it is that some decisions just take longer than needed when decided by committee!
Well, the wind is howling, and electricity is still working, so I'll post now before I lost connection!
:-) Sarah
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Worship and Other Mysteries
So I've been reading up lately on worship. Not just the same old, not the newest, flashy stuff. More creative than that...like what happens when we get beyond the worship wars and why perhaps there isn't much that's all that significantly different between traditional and contemporary worship. Lately I've been rereading Ronald Byars' book The Future of Protestant Worship: Beyond the Worship Wars. It was a book I had to read for a seminary class, but it's been a treat to reread it now, with a few years of local church ministry under my belt. I haven't finished it yet (well, for ny post-seminary reading at least) but it's raised lots of interesting points.
For example, "The agenda of worship is to lay aside any agendas of our own, including the need to prove that our faith is useful in the world."
He's also included some thought provoking quotes from others:
Lesslie Newbigin, on the temptation of Jesus: "One could sum up the substance of the suggestions of the Evil One in the phrase...'Begin by attending to the aspirations of the people.'"
Stanley Hauerwas: "Outisde Christ and the church, you don't have the slightest idea what you're looking for. That's why you need us to reshape you and your desires."
Howard Hagerman: "A church that loses the Word must finally lose the Sacrament. But is it not equally true that a church which loses the Sacrament must finally lose the Word?"
What do you think? Out of the context of Byars' writing, these quotes may be more or less thought-provoking than he intends, but taking that into consideration, what do you think? And a very basic question...what do you think worship ought to be? I don't mean what music, exactly, but generally, as a broad definition, what ought we be doing when we gather for worship?
On an unrelated note, another mystery...what makes people feel entitled to walk up to someone with whom they have no particular or direct connection, and tell them how or what they ought to be doing? Unfortunately, I suppose this is often masked under some distortion of the community between Christians...I'm just saying...! I had a recent occasion to run into a retired pastor with whom I have had some familiarity, but no particular personal connection. I happened to have been at Manidokan, where my fiance is director, helping out on a morning (while I was simultaneously filling down time with phone calls and e-mails to church people). The aforementioned pastor had noticed that my church's last newsletter had a good amount of information about Manidokan (which others had also pointed out, and which owed to the fact that it is more difficult than people imagine to get people to submit things for the newsletter). His first comment to me (no hello) was concern that I was short-changing my congregation.
Now I will be the first to admit that I cannot do all I would like to. And many of the things I do for one group of people may not always be apparent to others. And I really do need systems, lists and schedules to help me accomplish things I need to. And at times I cannot keep up. And I cannot work 80 hours weeks (though when I first started I often did, because I literally had nothing else going on in my life). So I can accept people in my church asking me to do anything...and as far as I am able I will. And I know that in balancing the needs of youth, the women's Bible study, etc., there will be people who feel like I have not done other things. I keep trying, and the balance of my time changes constantly. But if I am still putting in 60+ hours for church, and if I keep trying to do better, and at least to address anything I've left undone when it is shared by those with whom I exercise my ministry (and who will always have broader needs and desires than any one person can meet) then I find it astounding, mysterious, saddening and just plain frustrating when another pastor takes it upon themselves to reduce all that I do and all that I do with my free time to help another ministry and my fiance.
I am not perfect. I have done better with some tasks at times than at others. There is not a single thing I am doing right now that I don't think I could do better. But gosh it sure knocks the wind out of a person's sails when their failures and perceived short-comings (some of which may not be entirely accurate) are the sole gauge of them.
This sort of thing is why I feel guilty when I sit down to read something like Byars' book. I need to read. A pastor that is not continuing to grow will become stagnant. But in order to take the time to grow, to learn things that will improve one's quality of ministry and reach new people, other things cannot be done, or at least as often as otherwise. I love reading, but I cannot remember the last time I finished a book. I find that saddening and even frightening. But I do not know how to easily shake off the pressures of what a pastor is expected to do. I suspect it takes time to grow into one's role as a pastor...to learn one's strength's and weaknesses, and while trying to balance both, to be able to be oneself and not be run over or deflated by careless (not constructive) criticism. Criticism is a good and healthy, and needful thing. But boy it would be nice if it came with a bit of grace more often than not.
Off to read...and do everything else I've got on my list...
:-) Sarah
For example, "The agenda of worship is to lay aside any agendas of our own, including the need to prove that our faith is useful in the world."
He's also included some thought provoking quotes from others:
Lesslie Newbigin, on the temptation of Jesus: "One could sum up the substance of the suggestions of the Evil One in the phrase...'Begin by attending to the aspirations of the people.'"
Stanley Hauerwas: "Outisde Christ and the church, you don't have the slightest idea what you're looking for. That's why you need us to reshape you and your desires."
Howard Hagerman: "A church that loses the Word must finally lose the Sacrament. But is it not equally true that a church which loses the Sacrament must finally lose the Word?"
What do you think? Out of the context of Byars' writing, these quotes may be more or less thought-provoking than he intends, but taking that into consideration, what do you think? And a very basic question...what do you think worship ought to be? I don't mean what music, exactly, but generally, as a broad definition, what ought we be doing when we gather for worship?
On an unrelated note, another mystery...what makes people feel entitled to walk up to someone with whom they have no particular or direct connection, and tell them how or what they ought to be doing? Unfortunately, I suppose this is often masked under some distortion of the community between Christians...I'm just saying...! I had a recent occasion to run into a retired pastor with whom I have had some familiarity, but no particular personal connection. I happened to have been at Manidokan, where my fiance is director, helping out on a morning (while I was simultaneously filling down time with phone calls and e-mails to church people). The aforementioned pastor had noticed that my church's last newsletter had a good amount of information about Manidokan (which others had also pointed out, and which owed to the fact that it is more difficult than people imagine to get people to submit things for the newsletter). His first comment to me (no hello) was concern that I was short-changing my congregation.
Now I will be the first to admit that I cannot do all I would like to. And many of the things I do for one group of people may not always be apparent to others. And I really do need systems, lists and schedules to help me accomplish things I need to. And at times I cannot keep up. And I cannot work 80 hours weeks (though when I first started I often did, because I literally had nothing else going on in my life). So I can accept people in my church asking me to do anything...and as far as I am able I will. And I know that in balancing the needs of youth, the women's Bible study, etc., there will be people who feel like I have not done other things. I keep trying, and the balance of my time changes constantly. But if I am still putting in 60+ hours for church, and if I keep trying to do better, and at least to address anything I've left undone when it is shared by those with whom I exercise my ministry (and who will always have broader needs and desires than any one person can meet) then I find it astounding, mysterious, saddening and just plain frustrating when another pastor takes it upon themselves to reduce all that I do and all that I do with my free time to help another ministry and my fiance.
I am not perfect. I have done better with some tasks at times than at others. There is not a single thing I am doing right now that I don't think I could do better. But gosh it sure knocks the wind out of a person's sails when their failures and perceived short-comings (some of which may not be entirely accurate) are the sole gauge of them.
This sort of thing is why I feel guilty when I sit down to read something like Byars' book. I need to read. A pastor that is not continuing to grow will become stagnant. But in order to take the time to grow, to learn things that will improve one's quality of ministry and reach new people, other things cannot be done, or at least as often as otherwise. I love reading, but I cannot remember the last time I finished a book. I find that saddening and even frightening. But I do not know how to easily shake off the pressures of what a pastor is expected to do. I suspect it takes time to grow into one's role as a pastor...to learn one's strength's and weaknesses, and while trying to balance both, to be able to be oneself and not be run over or deflated by careless (not constructive) criticism. Criticism is a good and healthy, and needful thing. But boy it would be nice if it came with a bit of grace more often than not.
Off to read...and do everything else I've got on my list...
:-) Sarah
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