So I've been reading up lately on worship. Not just the same old, not the newest, flashy stuff. More creative than that...like what happens when we get beyond the worship wars and why perhaps there isn't much that's all that significantly different between traditional and contemporary worship. Lately I've been rereading Ronald Byars' book The Future of Protestant Worship: Beyond the Worship Wars. It was a book I had to read for a seminary class, but it's been a treat to reread it now, with a few years of local church ministry under my belt. I haven't finished it yet (well, for ny post-seminary reading at least) but it's raised lots of interesting points.
For example, "The agenda of worship is to lay aside any agendas of our own, including the need to prove that our faith is useful in the world."
He's also included some thought provoking quotes from others:
Lesslie Newbigin, on the temptation of Jesus: "One could sum up the substance of the suggestions of the Evil One in the phrase...'Begin by attending to the aspirations of the people.'"
Stanley Hauerwas: "Outisde Christ and the church, you don't have the slightest idea what you're looking for. That's why you need us to reshape you and your desires."
Howard Hagerman: "A church that loses the Word must finally lose the Sacrament. But is it not equally true that a church which loses the Sacrament must finally lose the Word?"
What do you think? Out of the context of Byars' writing, these quotes may be more or less thought-provoking than he intends, but taking that into consideration, what do you think? And a very basic question...what do you think worship ought to be? I don't mean what music, exactly, but generally, as a broad definition, what ought we be doing when we gather for worship?
On an unrelated note, another mystery...what makes people feel entitled to walk up to someone with whom they have no particular or direct connection, and tell them how or what they ought to be doing? Unfortunately, I suppose this is often masked under some distortion of the community between Christians...I'm just saying...! I had a recent occasion to run into a retired pastor with whom I have had some familiarity, but no particular personal connection. I happened to have been at Manidokan, where my fiance is director, helping out on a morning (while I was simultaneously filling down time with phone calls and e-mails to church people). The aforementioned pastor had noticed that my church's last newsletter had a good amount of information about Manidokan (which others had also pointed out, and which owed to the fact that it is more difficult than people imagine to get people to submit things for the newsletter). His first comment to me (no hello) was concern that I was short-changing my congregation.
Now I will be the first to admit that I cannot do all I would like to. And many of the things I do for one group of people may not always be apparent to others. And I really do need systems, lists and schedules to help me accomplish things I need to. And at times I cannot keep up. And I cannot work 80 hours weeks (though when I first started I often did, because I literally had nothing else going on in my life). So I can accept people in my church asking me to do anything...and as far as I am able I will. And I know that in balancing the needs of youth, the women's Bible study, etc., there will be people who feel like I have not done other things. I keep trying, and the balance of my time changes constantly. But if I am still putting in 60+ hours for church, and if I keep trying to do better, and at least to address anything I've left undone when it is shared by those with whom I exercise my ministry (and who will always have broader needs and desires than any one person can meet) then I find it astounding, mysterious, saddening and just plain frustrating when another pastor takes it upon themselves to reduce all that I do and all that I do with my free time to help another ministry and my fiance.
I am not perfect. I have done better with some tasks at times than at others. There is not a single thing I am doing right now that I don't think I could do better. But gosh it sure knocks the wind out of a person's sails when their failures and perceived short-comings (some of which may not be entirely accurate) are the sole gauge of them.
This sort of thing is why I feel guilty when I sit down to read something like Byars' book. I need to read. A pastor that is not continuing to grow will become stagnant. But in order to take the time to grow, to learn things that will improve one's quality of ministry and reach new people, other things cannot be done, or at least as often as otherwise. I love reading, but I cannot remember the last time I finished a book. I find that saddening and even frightening. But I do not know how to easily shake off the pressures of what a pastor is expected to do. I suspect it takes time to grow into one's role as a pastor...to learn one's strength's and weaknesses, and while trying to balance both, to be able to be oneself and not be run over or deflated by careless (not constructive) criticism. Criticism is a good and healthy, and needful thing. But boy it would be nice if it came with a bit of grace more often than not.
Off to read...and do everything else I've got on my list...
:-) Sarah
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