Thursday, December 31, 2009

On Appointments and Other Things I Cannot Control

So after my two-day exposition on sin and narcissism, I find myself right smack in the midst of my own narcissistic line of thought...or rather, frustration. Looking back upon the year that is nearly past (as I write it is just after 5 pm East Coast time) I am struck by how this year (as perhaps every year) has been a lesson in things I cannot control. And how sometimes that is good (things turned out better than I could imagine) or bad (my definition, of course, is things didn't turn out as I would have liked).

2009 was the year I left my first appointment. It's a right of passage, for sure, for all pastors. Your first appointment is inevitably, no matter how old or mature (or not) you may be, a time of steep learning curves, gaining your own pastoral identity, and battling demons--your own and others'. For me, 2009 was especially roller-coaster-ish because low numbers of retirements meant little chance for reappointment, and even less chance that a new appointment would be any sort of improvement. I had already felt the call to move on, but I knew that only means so much in a year when, as my DS often suggested, a lot of people felt called to move, but most would not be able to.

Even people close to me suggested this was a bad year to ask for a move (an act itself that took a great deal of tradition to overcome in my own mind). In such a year, a move might not bring a better situation, and in fact, chances were good a move would bring a worse situation. But I had done what I could at that appointment, and the next things that needed to happen at my last appointment would not happen--at least as well--if I stayed. For many reasons. Some of them my own doing, many not.

Saying goodbye is never easy though, and how do you convince people you didn't ask to move so you could leave them but so you and they could both move on and grow? We all processed this differently, and all I can say for myself is that I am more sure now than ever that this was the best decision for all of us.

But all that said, it was (of course) the first week I had accepted I was not going to move that I finally got the call of a new appointment offered to serve as associate to Calvary United Methodist Church in Frederick. The cabinet's concerns about whether it was too close to my last appointment and whether I would accept an associate position (Ken is perhaps one of the best senior pastors an upstart, stubborn gal like myself could hope for--more gracious than I imagine most would be) settled, and a few SPRC meetings later (that's the short story...it was a much longer story on the leaving-end), I buckled down to prepare for the transition. Walking into an associate position is a relatively simple matter, so other than scoping out my new (first) office and filling out some paperwork, I filled my days with pulling together all I could for the new pastor coming to fill the slot that would no longer be "my" appointment but "my old" appointment.

It took me a month or two at Calvary to fully transition into talking about "our church" instead of "your church." It's not easy to change those things overnight.

2009 was the year my husband and I really settled into married life. It was when we got to start together as husband and wife at a new church, meeting people not as that guy they'd met before we married and come to know, but someone people never knew me without. It was the year we traveled together to California (a first look at the Pacific for both of us, and a trip that included a rain-soaked trek from the docks of San Francisco across the Golden Gate Bridge to the tiny town of Sausalito (we decided a ferry back was better than the wet hiked back!). That same trip we explored Napa, and I got to be "and this is my wife..." as we attended the national gathering of United Methodist camp leaders. 2009 we traveled to the beach together for the first time on vacation, and we visited Minnesota, my first visit to where Chris grew up. It was a busy year!

Beginning July 1, 2009 was a year of firsts. And it still is. Getting to now a new church is always different, and always challenging. But it has also been a really exciting time. I have found myself serving amongst people who jump at any chance to serve, and who try really hard to make every feel welcome not just as part of the community but also in leadership. Chris and I find ourselves in a church family where we are looking forward to raising a family, and hope to see many new years with.

Looking back at 2009 makes me tired! And yet as I sit here on the last evening of this year, I am filled with energy and excitement, and can't wait to see what 2010 will bring. Even the stuff I cannot control. Well, perhaps especially the stuff I cannot control. God is pretty awesome, after all.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The Other Side

I wanted to come back and say a few more words about narcissism and also say again that while we are constantly struggling with this tendency to see ourselves as the center of the world, this is not nor ever should be justification for anyone to feel worthless or isolated.

Again and again (and most recently in the blog postings of the young man believed to have tried to bring down an airplane with explosives sewn into his clothes) we see that tragic dangers of a person who feels they have no value or purpose. Whether that turns inward or outward in violence, it is equally sad and unfortunate.

In Philippians 2:5-11, Paul quotes what we believe was a well-known hymn of his time when he writes,
5 Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God as something to be exploited, 7 but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, being born in human likeness. And being found in human form, 8 he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death— even death on a cross. 9 Therefore God also highly exalted him and gave him the name that is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bend, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. 12 Therefore, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed me, not only in my presence, but much more now in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling;


See, one of the key parts of this, of the self-emptying, involved Jesus' knowledge of who he was. After all, what does it matter to give up something you never knew you had? All those game shows where you pick a prize behind a door...there was often more regret when the contestant got to see what they didn't get--otherwise, hey, something was better than nothing.

I think it's somewhat similar when we think of our focus on ourselves. To empty ourselves and commit to follow God, to be filled with God's grace each day of our lives, actually invites us to first know ourselves and our values, and then to say to ourselves something like, "Yeah, I'm pretty cool, but it's not about me. It's about God."

Therefore, we are all met and are called to meet each person where they are. Does a person need to be built up? Let us do so in a way that cultivates their understanding of God's love for them and the meaning of their life. Does a person need to empty themselves? Let us gentle guide one another to see our life's focus is called to be God, and absent that, becomes an endless striving for our own personal gain (a search that never reaches completion).

Too often, we, the Church, have played into the same individualistic tendencies the world proposes. We do the same thing, only with religious language. Check out the number of hymns we sing that use the personal "I". Pay attention as you go through your day to all the ads, manners and patterns in your life that reinforce that we should worry about ourselves, and "ours." It getting pretty freaky, actually.

Then, perhaps in the new year, we can more adeptly re-focus and turn our lives to focus upon God and God's work in the work. To love others and worry about them as much as we obsess about ourselves. Something like that just might, well, change the world.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Our Narcissistic World

I've been working on my sermon for this Sunday. It's one of those challenging Sundays--balancing the church commemoration of the coming of the wise men (otherwise known as Epiphany) with the secular new year. Ha. I just smiled thinking how funny it would be if we made a big to-do about the Christian new year, which starts with the start of Advent. Gathered for Thanksgiving, that Saturday we all stay up till midnight, watch a television show of the Pope or a bishop somewhere...and shout "Happy New Year". Somewhere there is a high-church person who thinks this is how it ought to be. The ball in Times Square is perhaps a bit flashier though... :-)

The start of the new year, on top of all of this, is traditionally a time when Methodists turn back to our covenant with God, one we express through the Covenant in the Wesleyan Tradition (see my earlier post).

In the course of all of this, of course, we are all starting to talk about our new years resolutions.

What is striking, though, is that so often our "resolutions" involve something designed to make our own lives better. Now I'm not knocking that...completely. Losing weight, stopping smoking, etc., all of these things are good and we should do them (and shouldn't need the calendar to instigate such changes).

But doesn't it feel like in the midst of our very me-centered world, this late December time becomes quite the me-fest? Gifts, resolutions, thinking about our year past and our year to come...

The whole lot has got me thinking about how the early church fathers talked about sin...as a focus on self, what Augustine and later Luther would call incurvatis in se ipsum--being curved/turned/focus within/upon oneself.

Developmental experts tell us that babies think the world revolves around themselves (as is perhaps fairly appropriate to think when people come meet your every need). I suspect many people never outgrow that...and that, simply put, I think, is sin. Original sin, even. It's so foundational that we often aren't willing to recognize it as sin. And we come with all sorts of ways to rationalize this self-focus.

Now, let me stick a note here. I am not advocating some sort of masochistic denial of self that justifies being victimized. But come on, just a little, little bit, don't we all sometimes fall into believing (good or bad) that the world revolves around us? That others' action are motivated in response to us, and that the good or bad of a situation can be judged by its immediate affect on our emotions? Okay, maybe not just a little bit.

Psychologists call this (well, in more detailed and more nuanced terms, I am sure) NARCISSISM. And if you read the literature on it, and on Christianity's earliest definitions of sin, I'm not all that sure there's much difference. I'm sure the theologians and psychologists (let alone those trapped between both worlds) would have a field day over the similarities and differences...and whose field has best grasp on the whole thing. But, at some level, I think both hit at the same thing.

I have been even more convinced of this by watching Intervention, a documentary on A&E that follows a different addict (alcohol, drugs, etc.) and their families as the families (with the help of experts) prepare to have an intervention with the purpose of getting their loved one into treatment.

I am not in any way nearly an expert in addictions, nor do I think the show is a perfect sampling of all such situations. But it seems to me that so often, part of the codependency that allows an addict to continue living in destructive ways involve many people (or at least a few key people) reinforcing the addict's belief (self-destructive as it may manifest itself) that the world revolves around him/herself. The beginning of the healing process always involves (usually after some significant counseling for the family) the line being drawn and the conclusion being shared with the addict that, basically, the world (more specifically their families' lives) will no longer revolve around the addict. Nothing short of that will bring healing. For anyone.

I won't even go into all the theories of how a person's upbringing can actually cultivate narcissist tendencies...since I do suspect there is probably great variety of professional opinion on this matter, and at any rate, it seems to go against how so many children in the US are raised, and thus we might all naturally reject out of hand. In stark contrast stands parenting advice from the likes of Susanna Wesley, who for all her "old-fashioned" (and at times perhaps inappropriate today) advice rightly pointed out that parents can play a major (perhaps THE major) role in helping their children learn the world does not revolve around them--not by harsh means, but indeed, by loving support that allows the child, but the grace of God, to develop a greater sense of the world and each person as a valuable child of God.

At any rate, it's all very interesting, and I suspect I will be exploring the similarities and differences between these two approaches (the theological look at sin, and the psychological view of narcissism) for a long time to come.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Christmases

Every Christmas is a little different, and this year is certainly no different for me. Church, family, weather, etc.--changes in any of these affect the whole mix. Let alone changes within all of them!

This is my second go-round "first-time" at a church. The first year is no so much the hardest, it's just the most disorienting. Everyone else knows the little details, and it takes time to learn those. Silly mistakes are apt to happen since knowledge of things are merely intellectual, passed-on, not experienced. For example, yesterday I sent an e-mail telling everyone the Christmas Day service is in the chapel. It's not. It's in the sanctuary. Simply but unnecessary mistake, born of having a ton of details racing around in my head and not enough space in my brain to sort them quickly enough!

The disorientation aside, it's also exciting. Very exciting. Though the build-up to Christmas Eve has seemed a bit quiet to me--mostly, I think, due to snow forcing the cancellation of our Sunday services--we've been busy this week, and I think, I hope, all is ready. I don't have a whole lot to do DURING the services (which is itself a bit disorienting), but I'm looking forward to being part of it all.

Like any first-time, perhaps getting through, and enjoying as much as possible, is all one can expect. Next year this will all be familiar, lived-through experience, and a bit more natural to me. For now, I'm trying to slow down, enjoy the process, and try to keep everything straight! 24 hours from now, we'll see how that went!

It's also interesting to be in that in-between phase of married but no kids yet. What is the appropriate Christmas practices for such a couple? Chris and I are still figuring that out, and it changes each year. Our trip to Europe is our Christmas gift to each other (slippers would be nice, the Eiffel Tower is definitely better), but we have been busy picking out gifts for family. Our tree is up, and living room fairly well decorated, but I never quite got around to the rest of the house. As a young adult, I have yet to match the early-morning Christmas wake-up on my childhood, and I suppose I grew to associate fatigue with Christmas morning a bit too much :-)

I suppose most of all, this Christmas has seemed a bit slower paced, a bit calmer. that's not a bad thing, it's just different than most I've had. I have no doubt the frenetic pace I once knew will return soon enough. And perhaps I've already grown so used to it that what others may call frenetic is normal for me...like I've built a resistance to it. Who knows.

All that said, if there is any day that remain hectic for me, it is and will always be Christmas Eve. I've got some more ribbons to finish for the youth for the 7 pm service, then Chris and I will load up tubs of cupcakes, and random other things we need and then head into church for the long and busy haul of four services. How completely wonderful!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

January Newsletter Article

I will write again today, but since the newsletter came out, I figured I'd post that article here as well:

I consider myself a third-generation denominational immigrant of sorts. You see, my family is one of the many in this area whose United Methodist roots trace back not to Wesley and English settlers, but rather to Otterbein and the Germans who become known (after several mergers and splits of their own) as the Evangelism United Brethren Church. It was only in 1968 that we became Methodists—we like to say we “united” the Methodists, in fact!

Many in my grandfather’s generation (the ones who led the EUB Church through that transition) remember how they often found themselves more familiar with Wesley and Methodism’s roots than many of the Methodists they joined. Perhaps the EUB Church’s interest in Wesley was a replacement for that which they could not know about Otterbein (tradition has it that he ordered nearly all his papers destroyed before or shortly after his own death). So we EUBs have, I think, a vested interest in continuing to tell forth the stories of Wesley.

One of the practices that I am happy has now become part of our shared tradition is what our United Methodist Hymnal (#607) calls “A Covenant Prayer in the Wesleyan Tradition.” Indeed, it is our practice to return to this prayer at the start of each new year. Adapted from John Wesley, the prayer reads:

I am no longer my own, but thine. Put me to what thou wilt, rank me with whom thou wilt. Put me to doing, put me to suffering. Let me be employed for thee or laid aside for thee, exalted for thee or brought low for thee. Let me be full, let me be empty. Let me have all things, let me have nothing. I freely and heartily yield all things to thy pleasure and disposal. And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, thou art mine, and I am thine. So be it. And the covenant which I have made on earth, let it be ratified in heaven. Amen.

For me, these words speak not only of a personal commitment, but also of the very faith and commitment that makes these words a part of my tradition. For the EUBs to let go of their own self-identity took a great deal of courage, no doubt strife, but also a confidence that our stories are not about what we do, but about what God calls us to do as part of God’s ever-unfolding kingdom. One Methodist leader in 1968 said the Methodists would swallow up the EUBs. And perhaps they have. But that was never the most important issue.

I think the example of our EUB forbearers indeed lives out this covenant prayer, and gives us all guidance for how we can live these words ourselves. As we begin 2010, are we focused on where God is calling us—content to do, be, or have whatever God wills? Are we confident that God will be with us even as we enter new arenas? Are we willing to live out God’s call to empty ourselves that God might fill our lives?

New Years resolutions are great, but they are very small things compared with a willingness to once again commit ourselves to do, be, and have whatever this day may bring, that by humbling ourselves, God might be able to do incredible things. I pray that each of us—and all of us together—might be able to live up to the words of this prayer in this new year. In so doing, we just might offer as powerful of a witness as those who have come before us.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Snow

As I write this, I can look out our window and see our house is surrounded by snow-covered fields. Even our driveway, though passable and plowed, is still snow-covered. The concept of driving ON TOP of snow is very foreign to the Marylander in me, but my Minnesotan husband assures me this is reasonably safe, and at any rate, he's been the one driving on it!

It's so disorienting having not had worship Sunday! Between the snow, and the concern about people being out near church or even digging out of their own driveways, and the fact that a snow emergency in Frederick eliminates all our on-street parking, meant there really wasn't any other choice. I don't know how it is for other people, but certainly for me, my week leads up to and follows after Sunday worship, so any disruption to that schedule just puts me off-kilter.

That being said, I must say I love this snow. For one thing, it's made my husband a lot more Christmas-y! It's hard getting his excited about Christmas when all around it just looks...brown.

Also, I've rediscovered a love of sledding. The question for us was where to sled--there are so many great hills around camp. We finally settled on the hill close to our house--and after two days of using it, our sled run has gotten REALLY fast...next time we use it will likely launch my husband into the trees at the bottom of it. :-)

We were excited that Gary, my husband's father, was able to make it in last night. He'd driven from Chicago (where he'd been visiting family) and we weren't sure if the weather would allow him to come straight through, but not-surprisingly, it turns out the worst of the roads were close to us!

It's definitely a different experience being on a church staff for Christmas. Having other people doing a lot of the different parts means I can really focus on the specific things I've got on my plate, and still have time to spend with family. Though there is also a lot of planning I'm working on for next year---which is really exciting stuff and I can't wait to see things develop!

I've got a few more tasks yet for Christmas Eve (including making more ribbons for the youth since they were a bigger hit than I'd anticipated--confused? Come see what they're for at the 7 pm service!)...and I can't wait to celebrate Christmas Eve at Calvary. I hope to see you all there! And maybe snow yet on the ground...

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

A Christmas Letter from Jesus

My Grandfather, who is a retired United Methodist pastor, recently forwarded the e-mail below out to a bunch of people. Sadly, I cannot correctly cite it since all authorship was missing, but with that in mind, here it is.

--------------------------------

Letter from Jesus about Christmas --

It has come to my attention that many of you are upset that folks are taking My name out of the season.

How I personally feel about this celebration can probably be most easily understood by those of you who have been blessed with children of your own. I don't care what you call the day. If you want to celebrate My birth, just GET ALONG AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER.

Now, having said that let Me go on. If it bothers you that the town in which you live doesn't allow a scene depicting My birth, then just get rid of a couple of Santas and snowmen and put in a small Nativity scene on your own front lawn If all My followers did that there wouldn't be any need for such a scene on the town square because there would be many of them all around town.

Stop worrying about the fact that people are calling the tree a holiday tree, instead of a Christmas tree. It was I who made all trees. You can remember Me anytime you see any tree. Decorate a grape vine if you wish: I actually spoke of that one in a teaching, explaining who I am in relation to you and what each of our tasks were. If you have forgotten that one, look up John 15: 1 - 8.

If you want to give Me a present in remembrance of My birth here is my wish list. Choose something from it:

1. Instead of writing protest letters objecting to the way My birthday is being celebrated, write letters of love and hope to soldiers away from home. They are terribly afraid and lonely this time of year. I know, they tell Me all the time.

2. Visit someone in a nursing home. You don't have to know them personally. They just need to know that someone cares about them.

3. Instead of writing the President complaining about the wording on the cards his staff sent out this year, why don't you write and tell him that you'll be praying for him and his family this year. Then follow up... It will be nice hearing from you again.

4. Instead of giving your children a lot of gifts you can't afford and they don't need, spend time with them. Tell them the story of My birth, and why I came to live with you down here. Hold them in your arms and remind them that I love them.

5 Pick someone that has hurt you in the past and forgive him or her.

6. Did you know that someone in your town will attempt to take their own life this season because they feel so alone and hopeless? Since you don't know who that person is, try giving everyone you meet a warm smile; it could make the difference.

7. Instead of nit picking about what the retailer in your town calls the holiday, be patient with the people who work there.. Give them a warm smile and a kind word. Even if they aren't allowed to wish you a "Merry Christmas" that doesn't keep you from wishing them one. Then stop shopping there on Sunday. If the store didn't make so much money on that day they'd close and let their employees spend the day at home with their families

8. If you really want to make a difference, support a missionary-- especially one who takes My love and Good News to those who have never heard My name.

9. Here's a good one. There are individuals and whole families in your town who not only will have no "Christmas" tree, but neither will they have any presents to give or receive. If you don't know them, buy some food and a few gifts and give them to the Salvation Army or some other charity which believes in Me and they will make the delivery for you.

10. Finally, if you want to make a statement about your belief in and loyalty to Me, then behave like a Christian. Don't do things in secret that you wouldn't do in My presence. Let people know by your actions that you are one of mine.

Don't forget; I am God and can take care of Myself. Just love Me and do what I have told you to do. I'll take care of all the rest. Check out the list above and get to work; time is short. I'll help you, but the ball is now in your court. And do have a most blessed Christmas with all those whom you love and remember :

I LOVE YOU,
JESUS

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Calling All Calvary UMC Young Adults!

Calling all young adults at Calvary UMC! Chris and Sarah Schlieckert (i.e., me and my husband) would love to get to know you better and hear your ideas for ministries with young adults at Calvary UMC. Over the coming months, we will be hosting a series of gatherings for young adults, and we want to start with some small dinner before the end of the year (don’t worry if you can’t make one of these—there will be more and other types of gatherings in early 2010). E-mail me (pastorsarahumc@gmail.com) to sign up for one of these dinners. We invite you to bring a side dish to share. Main course, drinks and dessert will be provided!

Tuesday, December 8 (6:30 pm)
Tuesday, December 15 (6:30 pm)
Thursday, December 17 (6:30 pm)
Saturday, December 19 (5 pm)

All of the dinners will be held at the our home in Knoxville, MD. Space is limited (by, you know, the size of the house), so it’s first-come, first-serve. Contact me for more information!

Please feel free to pass this invite along to anyone who might not have received it but who might be interested.

Prosper the Work of Our Hands

This week i have been reading through the daily Advent readings appointed in the lectionary--and which we included in the study guide for this year's Adult Advent Sunday School class. (Follow the link HERE)

For the first few days of the week, the three-a-day readings included Psalm 90. You know, one of the really cool things about scripture, and I think one way we understand the Bible as be living, is the way we find new nuances or meanings each time we read the Bible--even the same scripture. I have read Psalm 90 before, but what really grabbed my attention this time is the very end of it: "Prosper the work of our hands."

I have to admit this this has been a somewhat overwhelming week for me. Nothing bad, but there has just been an avalanche of things to do, issues to ponder, and meetings to attend. I've gotten home after 9 a couple nights (and after 8 the other night so far this week), and after a while that really starts to get to you. I've been shorter with people, especially my husband, and I have relied upon every stress-management tactic I know to stay focused and somewhat balanced (I've had some really good workouts this week!). Fortunately, this intense pace is not the norm. I mean, there's busy, then there's frantic. And this first days of this week were the latter. The good news is things are calming down somewhat...the bad news is I know the pace will be more hectic than normal--as it always is--from now through Christmas Eve. And that's fine. It's the pastor's version of the Superbowl :-) We train all year for this...:-)

In the midst of this though, those words "prosper the work of our hands" have really been encouraging and supportive. You see, some days, once I get my schedule and to-do list laid out, the hours fly by and sometimes I reach the end of the day and wonder where all my time went. All of us have those days. There are days when my work seems trivial, and the tasks minor but necessary. There are days when it is hard to see the fruit of all the business. Those days are days it is good to be reminded that what we do (in fact, ALL we do) is only significant because it is done in the name of Christ, and only by the power of the Holy Spirit do our efforts create any lasting and beneficial impact. We could be the greatest and most efficient at whatever we're doing, but it means nothing if God is not at work in and through what we're doing.

Think 1 Corinthians 13...the part about if I speak in the tongues of men and of angels but have not love...

The incredible thing is that we are not independent contractors in this. No. We are part of God's work, and God is able to take our focused days and our hectic days, our major accomplishments and our small victories...and yes, even our failures, and prosper that. All of that. Make it all into something that matters, that helps build up God's people and kingdom.

One of the truths about life, and certainly about ministry, is that we do not always see the results of our work. We do the best we can, and we trust God to make of our best something that matters.

Today, I'm hoping to slow down a bit at least. And in the midst of the never-ending to-do list, to be grateful to be part of what God is doing. And I pray, with the psalmist, that God will continue to prosper the work of our hands.