Stages of Ministry

I've been pondering the different stages of ministry lately--both because of the ongoing appointment process, but also because of my involvement in the annual conference worship planning...recent weeks have included...

-buying the gifts for the ordinands
-contacting families of this year's deceased pastors (and spouses and lay members to conference)
-contacting this year's retirees
-working through transitional/key issues in my current appointment
-beginning preparations for my new appointment
-"overhearing" my brother's appointment to part-time ministry and his candidacy journey
-hearing of others' appointments
-pondering the effects of clergy misconduct on the church
-a teen hearing a call to ministry

On and on.

What is cool, I think, is the way as United Methodists that we're always engaged in these (okay, you could try to avoid them, I guess, but it would be hard) because of the connectional system. We're always in touch with these various stages of ministry because we're surrounded by people with whom we share this ministry journey who are also at different places. Or people going through similar things who are nonetheless at different places.

Here's an example. One of my supervising pastors from seminary, Scott, is--like me--being reappointed this year. But at that point, the similarities diminish. Scott has a much longer period in ministry, and has been at his current church longer than me. He's going to a church where he and his wife will co-pastor. On and on. But in the midst of all that, it's kind of cool to think of how we are all in this together.

At the same time, I've been feeling quite reflective of my own stages of ministry. I guess that's normal as I prepare for a new appointment. I've been remembering what it was like to anticipate starting at my current appointment. It was different then. I was so ready to be done with school (now, of course, days to sit around and read theology and scripture sounds divine). I wanted to get out and put into practice all I learned. Now I wish I could go back because I'd really be able to soak in what I needed to know.

And then there was starting. Arriving for this new adventure. Discovering myself and my appointment more and more as time passed. Now I wish I'd known even more when I started--hence my extensive attempt to pass on info to the new pastor (for example, I wanted to make sure to show him where ALL of the sanctuary light switches are--no one ever told me and I discovered another switch after several months!).

There's also something significant, it seems to me, when all of a sudden, you job really becomes a career (now I know ministry is a "life"...but you know what I mean). I think it's tied up in getting the SECOND job in the same field. I mean, the first is a fluke, right? It's when you start progressing (one way or another) that a career is made. I've started thinking in more tangible ways of what this "career" may entail, and the opportunity to be able to "think back about my first appointment" still seems like a strange concept...and perhaps will for a while even when I start at Calvary.

I think it's somewhat natural for a pastor to identify themselves with their appointments to an extent (this can of course be taken to unhealthy lengths) so it will be interesting to see what it feels like to change such a huge piece of this part of my identity. After all, all the other transitions in my personal life involved a change at a turning point. High school to college. College to grad school. Grad school to commissioning and an appointment. Now, I face a transition within this one thing. It's a big transition, but it's not so directly a new phase of my life...but in other ways it really is.

One of the things I learned about myself as Chris and I prepared to be married and I've been reminded of recently as I have packed books for my new office (Chris is happy because it halves the amount of book shelves we need at home!) is how much I don't like packing. It's emotionally exhausting for me. You'd think because we moved so much as kids, with dad as a pastor, I'd be used to it. And there are parts that I am. But there's something about packing and sealing boxes that just strikes me as DEPRESSING! Even when I'm otherwise very excited about the move.

Because I roomed with my sister at camp for the months before the wedding, Chris and I had packed and moved all my stuff a month before the wedding. I remember standing in the parsonage, in the midst of boxes, just overcome. I was so excited about what this move represented, but the drain of such a big change was still a lot. I had no reservations about the marriage, but the energy and emotion invested in it all was just exhausting.

I think the same is true now. In my head and in my heart I'm excited about this move. But the unknown still haunts, and the self-questioning (Am I up to it? Will I do well? Will they like me? Will I like them? Will I be able to be myself? What will their expectations of me be? What don't I know that I should? etc) never ends.

But in the midst of all of that, the very transitions that have been scary in the past, good or bad as they were, remind me of what I need to face this one: God has been with me in all of these, and God will be with me. I love the words from the song "Can't Give Up Now" by gospel group Mary Mary:

Nobody told me the road would be easy
and I don`t believe he brought me this far to leave me

And I guess that's it. For all the stages of ministry, what we do know and have confidence in is that God is in all of this. Maybe not always exactly how we'd like. And maybe the overwhelming, scary, and even downright painful parts of these transitions can't be made easy in a moment. But God who has brought us this far calls us forth, and that's something. In fact, that's everything.