The Silence of Leadership

Yesterday I spent the day at our Frederick District Committee on Ordained Ministry. I have served on the DCOM for a couple years now, and am preparing to come on as chair after the end of this program year. I love serving on DCOM, and am looking forward to serving as chair--the organization it requires and the opportunity to help encourage and shape the next generation of UM clergy is really exciting. It does, also, though, make a transition in terms of my involvement on the DCOM that any good leader must make--the transition to silence.

I've gotten quite up close and personal with the DCOM handbook lately (as a United Methodist, handbooks and policies give me a great sense of peace and comfort) :-) and one of the notes it has for chairs is that the chair should be moderating the interviews with candidates, not so much asking questions (the handbook suggests asking the first question then letting the committee carry the rest of the interview). Now, it certainly cannot be said that I keep my mouth shut during interviews. I love the work, and I like to try to really find out what's going on with candidates, so I like asking questions. But it is indeed a skill of good leaders, I believe, to cultivate silence. And to understand that sometimes (even often, it might be said) a leader is not called to dictate their way, but to lead and represent the group, even when the leader may not totally agree.

A bit ago, when I was asked to serve as DCOM chair, I called my dad to ask for his experience and wisdom (he comes off as his DCOM chair this year, after serving on BOOM for many years, and as DCOM chair in two different districts). He offered a great deal of good advice and reflection, including his own experience that as chair, he sometimes has to communicate the committee's decision which may not always be perfectly in line with his--but that is the chair's job.

I must confess I'm not good at silence (I know, I know, those of you who know me are shocked). Why let a good thought go unspoken, I say! And since one cannot always know what is good or bad, why not err on the side of saying it, right? Ha. Or not.

Seriously, though, I have (and continue to) learn the power of silence. Now, silence is only powerful when used correctly--otherwise it can be a hazard--but when used correctly, silence can help a group make a decision they are all on board with. In fact, as a leader, your silence can even help direct the group to your own point of view, or can allow them to come to an even better conclusion than you yourself could have stumbled upon.

Cultivating silence also allows a leader to listen well--to see what is really going on in a group and then to know what does need to be said. Silence can also allow a group to work through some emotional road blocks on their own, and not rely upon the leader to moderate every issue. Silence can empower a group, and that in turn can make the leader look very, very good.

I suspect too many leaders haven't gotten the silence memo. And let me say, silence is probably never going to be my greatest strength. But it is quite a tool when used properly. More than being a tool, it is often what is just plain appropriate. As is true for a DCOM chair and many others, many leaders are the only ones really able to stand on the balcony and help the group see what is needed, what decisions need to be made, where the group is (it's hard to do that when you're right smack in the middle of things) and what needs to happen next. Sometimes the leader can help the team identify what the actual issues of disagreement are, or what the areas of agreement are. The leader is very important in these roles--but doing them effectively requires silence.

The challenge with silence is that there's nearly always someone who things you should do it more, and someone who thinks you should do it less. The trick is to have the ability to take feedback and process how your own use of silence is working. And yes, it actually probably most helpful to err on the side of keeping your mouth shut. Yes, it hurts me to say that. But it is true.

So, I look forward to getting better in my use of silence, and by doing so, becoming even better at empowering others. This is, I believe, a key role of elders in the UMC, and one I hope to get better and better at day by day, year by year, and role by role. May you have the chance to do the same.