What We Don't Talk About Enough

...Okay, that could mean a lot of things. Really...there are a lot of things I think we ought to talk about more...though for many of them, there are good reasons, like they're difficult...

This week, my heart sank when I learned about a very good friend who has experienced some light bleeding 6 weeks into a pregnancy. Right now she's on bed rest, and waiting (unless there is a major change) to go back to the doctor next week. I hadn't know she was pregnant till I heard she was on bed rest (she and her husband were waiting till after the 8 wk appt to tell most people). As I sat with her yesterday, I could only imagine how she must be feeling---this excitement she's waited for (we all have!) is now marked by anxiety.

The good news is the baby had a strong heartbeat in both ultrasounds she had done this week. All things considered, the doctors sound optimistic, and I pray (fervently) that this all resolves and the rest of the pregnancy goes well and smoothly.

This has made me recall a luncheon discussion I attended while at Duke, though. The topic was miscarriage--we'd had a classmate who was pretty far along then miscarried. She and some of our professors formed a panel to talk about their experiences. I had NO idea how common complications (like minor bleeding) or beyond that, miscarriage are. Many of the women said they hadn't either, and they felt very alone.

This doesn't just affect the mothers either. Fathers are deeply affected, and all people are affected in different ways. I'm not an expert on this by any means, but I just wanted to bring this up, so we can all think about it, perhaps learn a bit more, and when we have opportunity, be there to support those in our lives who have faced any of these circumstances.

http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnancycomplications/bleedingduringpreg.html says:
-Studies show that anywhere from 20-30% of women experience some degree of bleeding in early pregnancy.
-Approximately half of pregnant women who bleed do not have miscarriages.
-Approximately 15-20% of all pregnancies result in a miscarriage, and the majority occur during the first 12 weeks.

Those are pretty high statistics--much higher, I think, than we generally think they'd be. The fact is, all around us are people who have suffered the loss of a child. And often, we have not, in the church, done a great job supporting them. We don't know what to say (as if there are any words that could take the pain away), and memorializing those children lost before birth is often not done well. I have heard, though, of churches who have memorial services once a year, specifically inviting those who have lost children, including especially through miscarriage. This, if done well, can provide a meaningful time for the families. It also, I would imagine, opens the conversation a bit at the church about both the joys and challenges or pregnancy, and perhaps could help support those couples who may or may not face miscarriage, but at least, like my friend, do face anxiety when complications arise.

What do you think?