My Brother Daniel and Gun Violence

My brother Daniel was the victim of gun violence.

That he was both the perpetrator and victim of the act that ended his life is part of the sad complexity of suicide.

That he used a gun he had purchased legally to protect himself from other people is the irony.

We grew up in a household that did not have guns. I have never witnessed the live firing of a gun. If Dan had, it had been sparingly. But after his house was broken into by a drug addict, and his basement door went un-fixed for a period of time, he was scared. I told Dan to get the door fixed. He thought, perhaps because our culture tells us this is the answer, that a gun was needed. And then two.

You see, when you hear the statistics bantered around in the debate about gun control/laws/rights, I know those numbers include someone I loved dearly. 

Some people believe that they and/or others have particular rights which carry more value than my brother’s life.

Now, that position is not without merit. As a Christian, it is certainly part of Jesus’ example and the witness of the Church that sometimes an individual’s life should be sacrificed to a greater good. 

But I do not believe that is the case here.

The truth is, I don’t know what the right answer is about how to appropriately regulate ownership and use of guns. I recognize that our nation was founded by the conviction that a monarch and his authorities should not have total control over people. That is why, indeed, our nation was established as a democracy (well, a republic, but still…)

While I do not know what if any gun laws would have prevented my brother from legally purchasing the shotgun he took his life with, I struggle to understand why it is harder to own and maintain a car than it is a gun. I have great respect for the gun owners I know—and I know many. My congregation is located in an area where hunting and independence are part and parcel of the culture and identity.  That culture and identity involves a care for self and others that provides a healthy structure to the ownership and use of guns.

I also struggle to understand why anyone would need high-powered and/or automatic weapons. I hear some argue that they feel a need and/or have an inherent right to defend themselves even against the government. What I struggle with, though, is seeing the military grade machinery and weapons that the US military has surplused to local police departments. As in, the military as TOO MANY of these items and is just doling them out. I struggle to see, even if there were someday to be such a need, how a couple large guns could hold off the force of the US military. 

Many people, and rightly so, will point out that if Dan was determined to take his life, he would have found a way. That is true. There are many ways to make the horrible decision Dan did. But to say that his access to a gun did not lead to his death ignores not what we know about guns, but what we know about suicide.

You see, many (perhaps even most) suicides are acts of opportunity (in the midst of desperation and depression). Those who have spoken with people who have attempted and survived suicide attempts say the survivors shared not a sense of decisiveness which led to the act, but a feeling of ambivalence. So indeed, it is very likely that for Dan, and for others who have taken their own (and perhaps this carries to those who take others’) lives with guns, if a gun was not readily available, he may have survived that night and gotten help the next day.

Or not.

But we’ll never know.

Men are statistically far more likely to be successful when attempting suicide.

Do you know why?

Because they choose guns as their method of choice at a far higher rate than women do.

We have to find a way to have a discussion about priorities and realities around gun ownership and use. We cannot afford to dig our heals in and refuse to hear what people with other opinions on this matter have to say. I recognize that my childhood (in)experience with guns is not the same background as many others. But I believe there are many things we can find common ground on. 

We cannot refuse to listen. To have the discussion.

And perhaps even (all of us) be open to think about some things in a new or more nuanced way.

We cannot put people’s lives at the bottom of a long list of political talking points. 

My brother Dan was more than a number. I am determined that he will be remembered as more than just a statistic. 

We must find a way to move forward in a new way—the same way God promises in Isaiah 43:19, “I am about to do a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?”

Let us seek a new way. God’s new way forward.