Years ago, at the first church I served, I had the opportunity to do the wedding for a young adult couple with a mixed religious background. Neither were really active in a faith community at the time, though the groom's parents were very active at the church. The bride had grown up with one Christian parent and one Jewish parent and the climate growing up seemed to have been to let her decide for herself (without "forcing" either tradition on her).
I'm quite sure that far more harm has been done to people's faith and willingness to accept a connection with God, Jesus and a faith community by Christians (especially pastors) who guilt tripped them about their faith or lack of. So I tread lightly on the topic of faith as I worked with the couple on premarital counseling. My usual line has to do with, "Look, I'm not going to tell you what to believe. But this will become a bigger deal than it seems now. Especially if you have kids, you won't as much have the opportunity to 'live and let live.' I know people who have presented various backgrounds to their kids..."
Here, the bride stopped me. Gently, she explained that she felt she hadn't grown up with any real religious training. "Choosing for herself" had been challenging because she hadn't had a context from which to see what was out there. She said she planned to raise and children they might have as a Christian. Certainly, for them to decide for themselves as they grew. But at least with a solid compass.
I was humbled. She spoke words I wish I'd had the courage to offer, but they were surely more powerful coming from her.
Over the years, I've met many many more couples facing the bring together of similar backgrounds. In my own extended family there are "mixed marriages." And everyone balances things differently. And with different outcomes, even within the same family.
But there is something very important, I think, about helping our children understand what is important to us, and giving them some information and experience to shape their own faith.
Check out this recent article ("I Take My Children to Church Even Though I Have My Doubts," by Sarah Stewart Holland from the Huffington Post about a woman who walked away from the church but came back when her son was born. Her experience resonates for me of many new parents I have met at church over the years. Many of them have re-discovered their own faith even though they returned for their kids. But some didn't. Everyone is different--and everyone's story is complex.
I want my daughters to be followers of Jesus Christ. I want them to having a powerful, deep connection with God and know God's love in Jesus. I understand that my life, my relationship with them, and how I help shepherd their involvement in church will have an immense impact on this. And I also know in the end, they will have to make their own decisions about what faith and how faith will (or won't) shape their lives and understanding of themselves and the world.
Every day I glimpse moments of my daughters touching something that for me connects so powerfully to the presence of God in the world. I think often about how their Biblical namesakes might offer some inspiration for their faith (Anna -- that she might see what God is doing and tell others, and Mary -- who said YES to God). Most of all, I give thanks for the journey of faith I have walked supported by so many, and I hope my daughters will someday reflect on their journeys of faith in a similar way.
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