On Mother's Day

I have had opportunity, thanks to some thoughtful friends on Facebook, to read some powerful blogs recently which offer helpful correctives to the at-times silliness, and at other times downright painfulness of Mother’s Day. even irrespective of these missives, I am particularly mindful this Mother’s Day (though I hope I always have been) that motherhood (like, well, any relationship) is a complicated matter. And not just for a few—but for everyone.

From childhood, I was raised to celebrate my own birth mother on Mother’s Day (and, incidentally, at other times and even—gasp—randomly). Meanwhile, I was taught to be grateful for the people in my life who have shaped me. I was taught by my parents’ example that for Christians, family is a broad matter, and not narrowly defined by our culture. My father’s insistence that all women receive gifts on mother’s day in our church when I was a teen has stuck with me. All women in all churches I have served on any mother’s day have been thus gifted. I can list (well, really there are more than I could) women of all types, some with children, some without (for many reasons) who have powerfully shaped me. I think of all these women on mother’s day, though, admittedly, my current planning for the day generally involves celebrating my mother and spending time with my family.

As a pastor, I have been privileged to have heard of and at times walked alongside women whose path to motherhood has not been easy, and for some, has not yet been realized. For others, the basic elements of relationships which might lead to motherhood have been outside of their grasp, or even not desired. I try, and plan this year, to speak to the complexity, pain and joy of motherhood and families in my preaching. To do otherwise would be to fail to speak to people where they are—something I am quite sure Jesus was about and expects us to be about as well.

That said, there is a danger, I suspect, of making such strong arguments on these points that we miss some of the value that is possible in celebrating mothers.

First, it allows the Christian community to reflect on what family and community mean to us—and hopefully, to remember that our nuclear families are merely a part of the larger community, though nonetheless important ones.

Second, mothers have a hard task that is often thankless. Now I know we all have our challenges (God bless teachers who we also celebrate this week). But being a mom is hard work. Some women never come close to getting it right—and their children face a struggle to understand a healthy model of motherhood which may follow them for years, indeed, their entire lives. There is nothing wrong, I humbly propose, with taking a day to remember to thank those who are so closely involved in the raising of young people (teachers, after all, get an entire week). Granted, the emotional baggage that comes with Mother’s Day is hardly rivaled by any other day, but I hope we do not so carefully step that we continue to expect these women to thus function without some recognition. Some expression of a good job done (or tried), and perhaps the offer of a hand, of a meal, of a moment to breathe without having to worry about someone else.

Third, I hope that in our Mother’s Day celebrations we can thank mothers and also reflect on what we can be doing throughout the year to help support them. A while ago, a man at my church came sharing that his Sunday School class wanted to find ways to help single mothers. This man had been, for many years, a single father, and their class had recently looked at statistics about the challenges single mothers face. In that class, there are all kinds of people, men and women, some with children, some without children, and some with, well, complicated stories. I am glad their openness to help others was not restricted by their own personal experiences. In much the same way that I get excited when a group of young parents reaches out to offer support and supplies to a couple struggling with infertility who have become foster parents. You see these are stories of Christian community. Of what it means to be part of God’s family.

I do hope that on this Mother’s Day we are all mindful of the many different paths women’s lives have taken. Some women’s paths have brought children, some have not, but all have brought a journey of faithfulness and care in Christian community. I believe we can celebrate mothers, and also affirm all women who have touched us. We are called (as we are at all times) to be mindful of all in our communities and their varied experiences. I do believe, though, that we are also allowed (and maybe even commended by some lines in Scripture about honoring our mothers and fathers) to celebrate the best of what these people have brought to our lives, to learn from their mistakes, and to seek to care for all children in our communities and families that our love for them might be a model for them of God’s great love.

May God bless mothers and fathers, all who care for children, who teach them, who struggle with infertility, who have graciously decided to care for children born to others, to those whose lives took different paths than they (or others) expected and to all of us that we might affirm each person for who they are, celebrate God’s presence in their lives, and seek daily to grow more faithful and loving.