Here I sit, just a couple days shy of marking week 39 of this, my first pregnancy. My husband can attest that I have been, thus far, a reasonably sane pregnant lady. Really, I have! But that is all beginning to change.
Early in my pregnancy, I swore I would not be one of those women who starts each day, beginning at week 36, posting on Facebook "Waiting for little one to arrive." I had so determined because (1) that only invites others to comment on your progress (which is nearly always unwelcome) and (2) the last thing my natural impatience needs is a forum! Little one, I determined, would come when she was ready. And well, if she was too long in coming, well, we'd cross that bridge when we came to it.
I had marked the end of my pregnancy with dates and tasks. First, I had hoped to have most projects wrapped up by November 1. Then I preached three Sundays in a row ending with Nov. 7. There were meetings yesterday, and a meeting tomorrow, and other scattered scheduled tasks. But really, I now find myself in the limbo of "If I can do it, that's great, if she comes now and I can't get to it right away, we'll all survive." So I wait. And try to trudge along with tasks. And wait.
My husband says he knew this day would come, though I suspect even he wasn't prepared for the melancholic response he got to his question this morning (as I prepared for my regular work-from-home-day) of "So what are you up to today?" "Ohh....I...don't....know. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to start. I just don't know. What if she comes today? What if she comes three weeks from today? I just don't know." I think he thought he had asked a simple question. Little did he know!
It's really not that bad, you see. I'm fortunate to have options at this point in the game--no bedrest, no limitations, just the general reminders from my midwives that I'm way pregnant and I can act like it. My job gives me enough to stay busy with that I'm not at all concerned I won't get my hours in--there always seems to be something that pops up even on weeks I might otherwise think will be slow. But things are slower these days, and thus far I've managed to at least be okay with that pace. Because goodness knows that "slower" may not be a word I use again anytime soon to describe my schedule.
We still get those folks who comment, "Oh, you know, having a child will change EVERYTHING." Well, yeah, thank you. I hadn't expected that. Seriously, though, we're pretty sure it will, and also pretty sure that no one can actually make us comprehend how much that change will be.
My husband says I'm bad with transitions, and that's true. I'm not good at waiting for a change to happen once it has been decided. I was the one who, once we were engaged, quickly suggested a date a few months off. He wisely suggested at least waiting till the end of the summer. Other dates I just can't change anyway. Like now, 10 days away from our due date, for whatever that is worth, we wait. I keep busy, sometimes burying myself in work, other times catching up on past episodes of those shows that seem always to be on somewhere (Law and Order, City Confidential, etc.). Aside from improving my skills should I ever decide to become a police detective (because, yes, I'm SURE watching TV cops shows is the major component of any good police academy) they occupy my time. Which, sometimes at least these days, is all I really need.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Election Day
This morning, as I woke early (to vote--Chris and I both had busy days and it would be our only chance) I checked Facebook, etc. as usual (yes, I generally check Facebook before I get out of bed--my little reassurance that nothing totally insane has begun before my eyes are fully open).
As I did, I saw postings from Facebook friends--past classmates, current colleagues and church members, family, etc., and I was struck by several things as this Election Day got underway. First of all, I think it's pretty awesome that I have such a variety of Facebook friends that I've accumulated over the years. This morning, my Facebook friends (and some last night) were posting support for a whole range of candidates (indeed, many of my friends are all around the country), and some were even out early on the campaign trail. I've got friends on staff of Republican and Democratic officials, and no doubt some who don't care either way (understandably, that last group hasn't actually posted much on the occasion of Election Day). So it was kind of cool--my own little political commentary right there on my Facebook iPhone app.
The other thing was I struck by this morning was imagining how my life would be different on a day like today if I had stayed on my first path--politics. I remember how involved I was in politics in high school (heck, even in elementary school I remember being somewhat politically aware--which was interesting since my parents often disagreed with each other politically, and when I agreed with one I obviously disagreed with the other--and I don't remember EVER getting slack for that from either of them). Indeed, though my politics today probably line up pretty well with both parents (their views are more similar now even to each other than they used to be--maybe a consequence of their divorce) at least at annual conference Dad and I still tease each other about canceling out each others' votes--not always but sometimes. It's a family tradition--he did it to his father, so now it's my turn, right?
You know what, though, it's pretty awesome, I think, that I got to grow up with an understanding of the importance of the political process (to some degree at least) cached within the understanding that we each get to make our own decisions. I certainly disagreed with my parents (and heck, at least they knew I was too young to vote anyway) but I don't ever recall being belittled or disrespected for whatever position I took--though I'm sure some were just plain silly. Come to think of it, though my parents often disagreed with each other, I don't really ever remember either belittling each other for their political views. I knew they disagreed at times, but that always seemed to me an appropriate thing.
So today as I saw many of my friends so actively engaged in the political process, beyond voting, I know I was right there with them until I heard my call to ministry late in high school. I felt God was calling me to help people in a different way, and I have never regretted that choice. There is something of a letdown amidst all the excitement of a day like today that I'm not out on the streets with them, but then again, come Easter, I'll be the one up early preparing for the "big day."
It's also strange, having grown up so politically-interested, to be now in a profession where, at least by my approach to it, I am not at liberty to actively advocate for any candidate or party. Now, some pastors choose to be more active outside the pulpit, but I choose not to--my life is about sharing Christ with people, and while that doesn't mean I can't care or advocate for issues, I also don't need to alienate members by choosing one candidate or another. Certainly IRS rules prevent me from doing so in the pulpit. I do not, however, think a pastor's work is limited to the pulpit, so I choose to be very cautious in any public forum--including Facebook.
Pastors today do not have the treasured status they once had, but I still think we ought to take our positions seriously. Some pastors, for this reason, advocate for particular parties or candidates. I choose not to...because I don't think it ultimately helps anyone for a pastor to be campaigning.
So here I am, on this day of days, which a few years ago I might have expected would be my biggest day all year, and I have done my part in the day. I have voted. I have even encouraged others to vote. But I have not advocated for any candidate and I won't. No yard signs for me. No Facebook endorsements. No snarky comments (though I'm really good at those, I just keep them limited to immediate family-sharing). Because ultimately, there are a lot of really good people whose life didn't change course as mine did. And I choose to believe they're trying their best to do a good job. They might have some very different ideas--some which I may disagree with passionately. But I believe in our nation's democratic principles, and that means I get to find a way to "make it work" no matter what today's outcome is.
As I did, I saw postings from Facebook friends--past classmates, current colleagues and church members, family, etc., and I was struck by several things as this Election Day got underway. First of all, I think it's pretty awesome that I have such a variety of Facebook friends that I've accumulated over the years. This morning, my Facebook friends (and some last night) were posting support for a whole range of candidates (indeed, many of my friends are all around the country), and some were even out early on the campaign trail. I've got friends on staff of Republican and Democratic officials, and no doubt some who don't care either way (understandably, that last group hasn't actually posted much on the occasion of Election Day). So it was kind of cool--my own little political commentary right there on my Facebook iPhone app.
The other thing was I struck by this morning was imagining how my life would be different on a day like today if I had stayed on my first path--politics. I remember how involved I was in politics in high school (heck, even in elementary school I remember being somewhat politically aware--which was interesting since my parents often disagreed with each other politically, and when I agreed with one I obviously disagreed with the other--and I don't remember EVER getting slack for that from either of them). Indeed, though my politics today probably line up pretty well with both parents (their views are more similar now even to each other than they used to be--maybe a consequence of their divorce) at least at annual conference Dad and I still tease each other about canceling out each others' votes--not always but sometimes. It's a family tradition--he did it to his father, so now it's my turn, right?
You know what, though, it's pretty awesome, I think, that I got to grow up with an understanding of the importance of the political process (to some degree at least) cached within the understanding that we each get to make our own decisions. I certainly disagreed with my parents (and heck, at least they knew I was too young to vote anyway) but I don't ever recall being belittled or disrespected for whatever position I took--though I'm sure some were just plain silly. Come to think of it, though my parents often disagreed with each other, I don't really ever remember either belittling each other for their political views. I knew they disagreed at times, but that always seemed to me an appropriate thing.
So today as I saw many of my friends so actively engaged in the political process, beyond voting, I know I was right there with them until I heard my call to ministry late in high school. I felt God was calling me to help people in a different way, and I have never regretted that choice. There is something of a letdown amidst all the excitement of a day like today that I'm not out on the streets with them, but then again, come Easter, I'll be the one up early preparing for the "big day."
It's also strange, having grown up so politically-interested, to be now in a profession where, at least by my approach to it, I am not at liberty to actively advocate for any candidate or party. Now, some pastors choose to be more active outside the pulpit, but I choose not to--my life is about sharing Christ with people, and while that doesn't mean I can't care or advocate for issues, I also don't need to alienate members by choosing one candidate or another. Certainly IRS rules prevent me from doing so in the pulpit. I do not, however, think a pastor's work is limited to the pulpit, so I choose to be very cautious in any public forum--including Facebook.
Pastors today do not have the treasured status they once had, but I still think we ought to take our positions seriously. Some pastors, for this reason, advocate for particular parties or candidates. I choose not to...because I don't think it ultimately helps anyone for a pastor to be campaigning.
So here I am, on this day of days, which a few years ago I might have expected would be my biggest day all year, and I have done my part in the day. I have voted. I have even encouraged others to vote. But I have not advocated for any candidate and I won't. No yard signs for me. No Facebook endorsements. No snarky comments (though I'm really good at those, I just keep them limited to immediate family-sharing). Because ultimately, there are a lot of really good people whose life didn't change course as mine did. And I choose to believe they're trying their best to do a good job. They might have some very different ideas--some which I may disagree with passionately. But I believe in our nation's democratic principles, and that means I get to find a way to "make it work" no matter what today's outcome is.
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