On Patience

Here I sit, just a couple days shy of marking week 39 of this, my first pregnancy. My husband can attest that I have been, thus far, a reasonably sane pregnant lady. Really, I have! But that is all beginning to change.

Early in my pregnancy, I swore I would not be one of those women who starts each day, beginning at week 36, posting on Facebook "Waiting for little one to arrive." I had so determined because (1) that only invites others to comment on your progress (which is nearly always unwelcome) and (2) the last thing my natural impatience needs is a forum! Little one, I determined, would come when she was ready. And well, if she was too long in coming, well, we'd cross that bridge when we came to it.

I had marked the end of my pregnancy with dates and tasks. First, I had hoped to have most projects wrapped up by November 1. Then I preached three Sundays in a row ending with Nov. 7. There were meetings yesterday, and a meeting tomorrow, and other scattered scheduled tasks. But really, I now find myself in the limbo of "If I can do it, that's great, if she comes now and I can't get to it right away, we'll all survive." So I wait. And try to trudge along with tasks. And wait.

My husband says he knew this day would come, though I suspect even he wasn't prepared for the melancholic response he got to his question this morning (as I prepared for my regular work-from-home-day) of "So what are you up to today?" "Ohh....I...don't....know. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to start. I just don't know. What if she comes today? What if she comes three weeks from today? I just don't know." I think he thought he had asked a simple question. Little did he know!

It's really not that bad, you see. I'm fortunate to have options at this point in the game--no bedrest, no limitations, just the general reminders from my midwives that I'm way pregnant and I can act like it. My job gives me enough to stay busy with that I'm not at all concerned I won't get my hours in--there always seems to be something that pops up even on weeks I might otherwise think will be slow. But things are slower these days, and thus far I've managed to at least be okay with that pace. Because goodness knows that "slower" may not be a word I use again anytime soon to describe my schedule.

We still get those folks who comment, "Oh, you know, having a child will change EVERYTHING." Well, yeah, thank you. I hadn't expected that. Seriously, though, we're pretty sure it will, and also pretty sure that no one can actually make us comprehend how much that change will be.

My husband says I'm bad with transitions, and that's true. I'm not good at waiting for a change to happen once it has been decided. I was the one who, once we were engaged, quickly suggested a date a few months off. He wisely suggested at least waiting till the end of the summer. Other dates I just can't change anyway. Like now, 10 days away from our due date, for whatever that is worth, we wait. I keep busy, sometimes burying myself in work, other times catching up on past episodes of those shows that seem always to be on somewhere (Law and Order, City Confidential, etc.). Aside from improving my skills should I ever decide to become a police detective (because, yes, I'm SURE watching TV cops shows is the major component of any good police academy) they occupy my time. Which, sometimes at least these days, is all I really need.