Warmth

It is a wet, cold day outside. This fact in itself has helped me focus to get done some e-mails, computer work and reading I needed to tackle. Though really beyond that, today is the sort of day we all just want to curl up under a blanket!

I decided though, after being pent-up this morning and with nothing falling from the sky for the moment, to take a walk. It was chilly, and if I'd have stopped, it would have been uncomfortable. But as anyone knows, a walk on a cold day can be a nice, refreshing thing as long as you keep moving. And of course, it was a blessing (that not everyone has) to be able to end the walk by coming through the door to my house and entering warmth.

Lately, I've been struggling to figure out and hear God's call in my life now. That's the thing they don't always tell you in seminary...sure, God calls you to ministry, but it's not like God's done. God is constantly reshaping and refining that call. After 3 1/2 years in ministry, I have been trying to listen for what's next.

Chris and I were blessed to be able to attend a New Church Start conference last week. And it blew my mind. It was a good opportunity to reflect upon who I am, and what really excites me about ministry. It was also a chance to reflect on what I'm not good at. And what drains me in ministry. I came out of it energized to find new ways to open the community of Christ to people. But I have struggled to know how that pairs with an existing congregation.

The best thing I've done since then has been to not keep this tension to myself. I've talked with colleagues, family, and I've even begin talking with some people at my church. We've underscored the challenge of expecting a pastor (well, maybe it's just me, but I'm not superwoman) to both maintain close relationships within an existing congregation and also develop new ministries for people who might not really connect with that same group. There is still a lot to work out. But as I have shared my struggle and heard the excitement of others for new opportunities in ministry, it is as if this too is a walk through a chilly place. And if we can keep walking, keep trying along the way to stay faithful on the journey, then maybe, by the grace of God, we'll find some warmth.

That's just a bit of what's rolling around in my head...most of it is still really jumbled. But it's basically this...what sort of community---religious and otherwise---would I and others really be excited to be part of? How could we truly use our gifts to help others, to GO OUT, and not just hang out within the walls of the church (literally and figuratively). And I'm not just talking one thing here, one thing there. I'm talking about a very different approach...a re-orientation of everything.

What do you think that would look like?

Now off to try to make more sense of this, to figure out even what questions there are, let alone answers...and maybe enjoy a bit more warmth. It is, after all the season of fireplaces---and I finally have one that works!