I have had opportunity, thanks to some thoughtful friends on
Facebook, to read some powerful blogs recently which offer helpful correctives
to the at-times silliness, and at other times downright painfulness of Mother’s
Day. even irrespective of these missives, I am particularly mindful this Mother’s
Day (though I hope I always have been) that motherhood (like, well, any
relationship) is a complicated matter. And not just for a few—but for everyone.
From childhood, I was raised to celebrate my own birth
mother on Mother’s Day (and, incidentally, at other times and even—gasp—randomly).
Meanwhile, I was taught to be grateful for the people in my life who have
shaped me. I was taught by my parents’ example that for Christians, family is a
broad matter, and not narrowly defined by our culture. My father’s insistence
that all women receive gifts on mother’s day in our church when I was a teen
has stuck with me. All women in all churches I have served on any mother’s day
have been thus gifted. I can list (well, really there are more than I could)
women of all types, some with children, some without (for many reasons) who
have powerfully shaped me. I think of all these women on mother’s day, though,
admittedly, my current planning for the day generally involves celebrating my
mother and spending time with my family.
As a pastor, I have been privileged to have heard of and at
times walked alongside women whose path to motherhood has not been easy, and
for some, has not yet been realized. For others, the basic elements of
relationships which might lead to motherhood have been outside of their grasp,
or even not desired. I try, and plan this year, to speak to the complexity,
pain and joy of motherhood and families in my preaching. To do otherwise would
be to fail to speak to people where they are—something I am quite sure Jesus
was about and expects us to be about as well.
That said, there is a danger, I suspect, of making such
strong arguments on these points that we miss some of the value that is
possible in celebrating mothers.
First, it allows the Christian community to reflect on what
family and community mean to us—and hopefully, to remember that our nuclear
families are merely a part of the larger community, though nonetheless
important ones.
Second, mothers have a hard task that is often thankless. Now
I know we all have our challenges (God bless teachers who we also celebrate
this week). But being a mom is hard work. Some women never come close to
getting it right—and their children face a struggle to understand a healthy
model of motherhood which may follow them for years, indeed, their entire
lives. There is nothing wrong, I humbly propose, with taking a day to remember
to thank those who are so closely involved in the raising of young people
(teachers, after all, get an entire week). Granted, the emotional baggage that
comes with Mother’s Day is hardly rivaled by any other day, but I hope we do
not so carefully step that we continue to expect these women to thus function
without some recognition. Some expression of a good job done (or tried), and
perhaps the offer of a hand, of a meal, of a moment to breathe without having
to worry about someone else.
Third, I hope that in our Mother’s Day celebrations we can
thank mothers and also reflect on what we can be doing throughout the year to
help support them. A while ago, a man at my church came sharing that his Sunday
School class wanted to find ways to help single mothers. This man had been, for
many years, a single father, and their class had recently looked at statistics
about the challenges single mothers face. In that class, there are all kinds of
people, men and women, some with children, some without children, and some
with, well, complicated stories. I am glad their openness to help others was
not restricted by their own personal experiences. In much the same way that I
get excited when a group of young parents reaches out to offer support and
supplies to a couple struggling with infertility who have become foster
parents. You see these are stories of Christian community. Of what it means to
be part of God’s family.
I do hope that on this Mother’s Day we are all mindful of
the many different paths women’s lives have taken. Some women’s paths have
brought children, some have not, but all have brought a journey of faithfulness
and care in Christian community. I believe we can celebrate mothers, and also
affirm all women who have touched us. We are called (as we are at all times) to
be mindful of all in our communities and their varied experiences. I do
believe, though, that we are also allowed (and maybe even commended by some
lines in Scripture about honoring our mothers and fathers) to celebrate the
best of what these people have brought to our lives, to learn from their
mistakes, and to seek to care for all children in our communities and families
that our love for them might be a model for them of God’s great love.
May God bless mothers and fathers, all who care for
children, who teach them, who struggle with infertility, who have graciously
decided to care for children born to others, to those whose lives took
different paths than they (or others) expected and to all of us that we might
affirm each person for who they are, celebrate God’s presence in their lives,
and seek daily to grow more faithful and loving.
