I’m back in the office today after two days at the BOOM
provisional exam—as a BOOM member, and as things turned out, a small group
leader. For two days—one 12 hour day and a solid 8 hour day the next day—I talked
with people, listened, asked questions and facilitated non-stop. It is good,
hard work.
It is not, however, physical work. I was sitting most of
that time. It was, however, exhausting work. For me, at least.
Now, I think the work of BOOM at these exams is tiring for
even the most extroverted of us. But it was a reminder for me of that part of
my personality that often seems to surprise people…
I am an introvert.
Really and truly, and I have no doubts about that. My
mother, meanwhile, balked when I told her the results of the Myers-Briggs that
made this identification. One would certainly believe one’s own mother would
know.
The thing is, though, that introversion and extroversion are
not necessarily, I think, directly related to being shy or outgoing. I think I
am a pretty outgoing person. However, the best definition of the difference between
introversion and extroversion at their most basic level is this: extroverts
draw energy from being around people; introverts drain energy being around
people. This is what I identify with, and what an experience like the BOOM
exams powerfully remind me that God created me to be an introvert.
It’s often interesting when people who do not know me well
happen to have lunch with me after a full Sunday morning—not a working lunch
(for then, I’m still “on”) but a casual one. They often find me to be different
than they’d just experienced me, or even than they normally experience me. That
is another time my introversion rears its head. After all the people time that
my work requires (and which I happily engage in) when I am able to finish and
decompress, all need (and truth be told, desire) to be social dissipates. No, I
don’t (usually) become a hermit, but my otherwise gregarious personality goes
quiet, my mental focus is blurred, and I become far more of an observer of the
world.
I’ve long known that my energy level goes in highs and lows—I
can plow ahead through the busy-est and more difficult of times, maintaining a
level of activity that is pretty high, but if I’m not careful, I will hit a
wall. For a long time, I really thought it was an energy thing, just my body
making me rest. I have come to believe, however, that this is a mark of my
introversion. I can function quiet well for a length of time as an outgoing
person…but without opportunity to retreat,
I will hit a wall.
One of the issues candidates for both provisional and full
member must always address is boundaries, including their ability to set
boundaries for their own self-care. At times, pastors can present this as it
everyone must do this perfectly—when few if any of us are. The trick is, our
self-care cannot and should not look identical to anyone else’s, and part of maturing
and living into our call as pastors is learning about ourselves, how we thrive,
and what we need to renew. And we would
do well to respect differences in each other.
So, today, I am nursing my introversion and rather relishing
some time sitting in front of my computer in the office. I am still interacting
(we cannot, after all, fall prey to our weaknesses) but I know that soon
enough, I’ll be recharge and back at it. By the grace of God, God uses both
introverts and extroverts to be about what God is doing in the world. We just
need to carefully discern both how to be at work and how to be at rest along
this wonderful journey!
