Tuesday Mornings

I love Tuesday mornings. I mean, there's always the chance they'll be horrible, but you know, generally, they're really energizing for me.

You see, I take Mondays off. Like anyone, there's always the twinge of regret Monday night that I can't sleep in every day or generally be lazy with my husband, but Tuesday morning comes, and I'm off to the office.

What has been happening at least thus far Tuesday mornings at Calvary is pretty awesome. I come in, with the goal in mind of catching up, and I end up spending the first hour or two of the day touching base with the other staff, asking questions and tossing out ideas that have been marinating in my mind since Friday, or after talking with people Sunday, and I see what their thoughts are.

Tuesdays are the days I learn a lot, and the days that ideas really start to take shape. Tuesdays are possibility days. And with the whole week left to flesh out things.

This morning, I spent some time talking with Bob, our Financial Secretary (and general go-to-guy) about budgeting, giving, etc. I had some questions about the Sunday counts, what information was where, and what patterns were. A few years ago, I would have been lost, but after a bit of hands-on experience, now I just keep wanting to learn more. We talked about visioning (we have a visioning retreat coming up for the church) and priorities for the congregation. Very interesting.

Of course, I spent the morning touching base with Joyce, our Administrative Assistant, about topics to numerous to name. And I talked with her and our youth pastor, Katrina Marie, about how our sanctuary and worship can be more friendly to people with hearing impairments. I learned about something called a "telecoil." Never knew. Now I'm totally intrigued.

When I finally sat down at my desk, I saw the e-mails about the kickball schedule (YAY!) for the team my husband and I have joined for the fall to meet people in the community, and I talked with one of the talented visual artists at the church to schedule a time later in the week to have coffee to discuss ideas for a sermon coming up in September, and just generally ideas to incorporate visual arts into what we do.

All that in two hours! That's why I love Tuesday mornings!

Now...off to follow up on all these ideas and tasks...what a cool start to the day, and how amazing to see all that God is doing in all these situations!

The Power of a Simple Conversation

It seems like everywhere we look these days, we're reminded of the power of words...in a bad way. The scenes coming from the health care town halls remind us how words (if shouting can really be called that) can create havoc.

At the same time however, I've been reminded this week of the power of simple conversations. This morning, I had tea with Jill, a new member at Calvary, and also the new director of Families Plus, a non-profit in Frederick. We talked about a lot of things, and just had a great talk (well, I enjoyed it at least!). Towards the end of the discussion, the idea came up of having an etiquette dinner for area kids, hosted by Calvary. Jill has access to some grants and to the kids, and we have space and people, I think, who can help. We even thought of trying to get a chef from one of the great local restaurants to cook. I'm totally excited about this, and look forward to seeing how things move forward. I think it could be really awesome. And it just kind of came up in conversation.

So often, it seems, perhaps because we're so busy, we don't take enough time to talk to people, no agenda. I understand that--we're all trying to get things done. But the sad thing, I think, is that in coming into conversations with pre-conceived ideas of what we want out of those conversations, we miss the magic that just happens when people get to know each other. That Bible passage that talks about God being present when two or three are gathered? I think it should be amended that God is ESPECIALLY present when no one is trying to put forth their own agenda.

Let's be honest. We go into more conversations with an agenda. We may not stand up and shout like some of the people at those town halls, but we come with our minds made up just the same.

Maybe, just for a bit, we can all try to just talk with each other. No agenda. No plans. Just get to know each other. In the midst of that, God will, I am sure, do amazing things.

261 vs. 3

This morning, in the midst of trying to work on my sermon (it wasn't piecing together smoothly...and I've learned you can't force that...you have to let it happen naturally)...I finally clicked on a video for a link I saw on the Alban Institute's Twitter, for a one-hour video of a lecture by Brian McLaren: http://www.emergentvillage.com/weblog/everything-must-change-in-one-hour

I've read some of his stuff, and heard him speak before, so I wasn't sure if it would just be repetitive, but it's really good...you should check it out.

One of the (many) interesting points McLaren makes is that the word "Christian" only appears in the New Testament 3 times...and generally with a negative connotation. However, the word "disciple" appears 261. He then goes on to talk about and ask whether we are more concerned about making/being Christians or making/being disciples. Indeed, I think this is a core question today.

We've often, in the Church, gotten to good at the trappings of the faith, and complacent in our living. Disciples, though, always keep learning and growing. That's who they are. I think it's sad but true to say that far more people are concerned about being good Christians than being good disciples of Jesus. And I think that's a really major difference.

Earlier in the video, McLaren also relates an experience a couple decades ago when working with some youth/young adults at a camp. He was supposed to lead a devotion, but wasn't prepared. So what he ended up doing was first, using a large pad of paper, asking the young people what things concern their churches, what their churches are talking about. Things like whether women could speak in church, etc. came up. Then, on another piece of paper, he asked what the young people themselves were concerned about, what they talked with their friends about. Things like overpopulation, global warming, etc. came up. And McLaren says he was struck by two things (1) That there were no things in common between the two lists and (2) as a youth pastor, his job was to raise up young people to spend their lives arguing about the first list.

Again, sadly, this is all too true of an observation.

Check out the video and let me know what you think.

On Experience

I am TIRED this morning! Last night, as I was resting at home, already a bit worn out from the week (it's been busy, not bad, not overwhelming, just busy), I got a call from my husband Chris. There was a situation at camp he needed my help with.

Now, my husband is great at what he does. And his staff this summer is just phenomenal. So I knew that if he was asking me to come, things really had gotten crazy. I won't go into details, but we just had one camper that created some pretty major fireworks (figuratively). She's fine. Everyone else is fine. No one was hurt. But a little before midnight, a parent finally came to retrieve her. The situation had reached a point where that was, really, the only option.

We always hate to have to make that choice. But it is always the choice, really, of the camper. The great infrequency of kids having to be sent home evidences how seriously Chris takes it, and how hard the entire staff works to prevent it.

It struck me, though, in the course of the whole episode, how my own understanding and maturity has changed (hopefully grown) over the years. I saw myself in the eyes of the college-aged staff, who so desperately wanted everything to be okay. Felt stung by the mean words of the camper who wanted to blame everyone else for her actions. I remember the years it took to be able to begin to understand the difference between a situation which was my fault, and that which wasn't (no matter what an angry person shouted).

One of the best helps in this was my time in Res Life. You've got to get very clear in your own head whose fault it is when a drunk college student tries to tell you it's your fault they've got to meet with the Dean. I tell you what though, you get over that pretty quick. But the bigger challenge, and the most important, is to learn not just to not take it all personally, but also to be able to stay calm, and not escalate the situation.

The sad thing is, so often the people who flip out are the ones whose entire lives are filled with people who overreact. They want to you do the same, because that's all they know. Other times, people have issues far beyond what an untrained person can handle. I may be a pastor, but I am no psychologist. I cannot control someone having a breakdown. I can try to keep them from hurting anyone till professionals arrive, but you sometimes learn the hard way that getting in over your head is dangerous for everyone.

I remember that my junior year in college, we had quite a situation on our hands. I had been away for the fall semester, studying abroad, as had my roommate Meg. We came back to campus and I took over as a Resident Assistant in an upperclass quad building. Meg and I moved into a suite with three other girls.

Long story short, for reasons I'll never entirely know, but spurred in part by not getting into the sorority she wanted, one of our roommates downed a bottle of pills. In front of her boyfriend. In her room in our suite. Campus security, ambulance called, and her off to have her stomach pumped...in the days to come, her parents didn't seem to think their was any problem, though she threatened to try again when (after not really doing much) they sent her back to our room. Our suite mates, some who were very close friends with her, were beside themselves. They were paranoid for days she'd try it again. After all, she said she would.

We ended up meeting with the Dean and explaining that we didn't feel safe with her in our suite. We didn't feel it was okay to expect college kids to keep an eye on a suicidal person. The college convinced her to take a leave of absence. She was furious at us. Swore we had overreacted. It was our fault she'd had to take a leave of absence. She even had a friend write a scathing letter in the school paper about it all. Of course, the story was far from what the letter portrayed. And we couldn't (or rather, wouldn't) refire publicly about it.

We all go through life hopefully growing along the way. But as one of my college profs would say, "You have to grow old, we don't have to grow up." Some people never do. But some do. Sometimes we learn from our misfires, our mishandling, our pains, embarassments and even our successes (which often surprise even us).

Goodness knows last night I not only got to see my experience come in handy, but I also learned a whole lot more...

Life as a Gift (And not how you think)

Here is the meditation from www.upperroom.org.daily for today:

ALL OF US have life experience in our hands. Of course, this life experience differs vastly from one person to another. It usually includes lessons we have learned while growing up, the work we have done, the mistakes we have made, the successes we have achieved, and, perhaps most importantly from God’s perspective, the painful things we have suffered. Our life experience represents a huge resource for God’s use in healing a hurting world. As we learn from many Bible stories, the way God uses us is often related to the ups and downs we have gone through.

- Trevor Hudson
Questions God Asks Us

This certainly rings true as, having returned from the Stephen Leaders training, and after meeting with the other two Stephen leaders from Calvary light night, I'm preparing to preach on Stephen Ministry and the broader idea of lay ministry this Sunday.

One of the greatest things about the idea of lay people caring for and walking along side people going through life (like a divorce, loss job, change in family, death, etc.) is that while one person (i.e. a pastor) will not have experienced every situation (and of course even at that each person experiences situations differently), by using the experiences of a whole group of lay people--in this case Stephen Ministers--we're able to really pair Stephen Ministers with care receivers, using the SM's own life experiences as a gift to be used in that relationship. Not that they now have the answers. Not at all. But that they understand a little bit more than someone else would, and can help remind their care receiver that they're not alone, and that others have made it through similar circumstances.

I'm really excited to see how this ministry grows in the coming year. We've decided to aim for a January start to the training (50 total hours, about 20 weeks, which is still much less of a commitment than Disciple!) and we would like to have at least 12 people in that class. Once a person completes the class, they will be assigned a "care receiver"...someone who needs a brother or sister in Christ to walk alongside them. SMs and CRs are paired based on same-gender pairing, experiences of the Sm that would be helpful, and personalities that seem to be a good pair.

The Stephen Ministry program is really great, and I'm so excited to be working with it. We've got a few ideas already of people who are interested in the training, so I hope we can recruit even more. Like is often the case, the SMs get as much, if not more, out of the whole experience as do the CRs!

Pretty cool to think that God can redeem even the hard parts of our lives to allow us to help others face their own challenges with strength and hope.

Frederick

So I just spent some time googling Frederick. What can I say? Still want to learn more! Of course (perhaps I should be embarrassed but I'm not!) I ventured onto the Wikipedia page. All I can say is that I think someone from the Schley family has bee on there adding stuff...!

I've been working some this afternoon (took a break from training because, as probably anyone who know me can tell you I probably don't need more training on how to be assertive...) on thinking about the community as we prepare for a leadership retreat Sept. 4-5 to do some visioning.

Now, I've new, very new to Calvary. And I haven't talked to nearly enough people or learned remotely enough to form my own ideas about a vision for Calvary...other than that which I have heard repeated in a lot of different ways from almost everyone I've talked to. If I were to summarize, it's something like this: Calvary supports the Frederick community through its involvement in the community, engagement in authentic relationships within and beyond the walls of the church, and connects the local community to the wider world. That's not a well worded vision statement, and it's still not the best summary, but you can see what it's circling around, at least.

So it's vitally important, if Calvary is really to capitalize on its centrality in the Frederick community, to understand that community. And to see it as lots of different people see it. So I wanted to come up with some questions that could be asked of people as we try to gather that info. There are tons of questions that could be asked, but I wanted to keep it simple but gather some really key info. Here is what I came up with. Five questions:

1. How long have you live or worked in Frederick, and how did you happen to come here?
2. How would you describe Frederick to someone considering moving here?
3. What are three of the greatest needs in the community?
4. What are three of the best things about Frederick?
5. What do you think Frederick churches should know, have or be doing?

What do you think? If you live or work in Frederick, how would you answer?

100th Post

So Blogger tells me this is my 100th post. I feel like this should be terribly profound. Sadly, I am unprepared for such a notable posting. Here's what I've got though...

As I've been in Pittsburgh this week for the Stephen Ministry training, I couldn't help but be very aware of the story of a man shooting people in a gym not far from here. Truth is, I'm such a CNN junkie that I wouldn't have missed the story otherwise. But getting to see the local news coverage as well (where the story is the main focus, not all that overshadowed by the apparently dramatic return of Bill Clinton to the international stage) gives it some emphasis that I suspect is absent elsewhere.

Sadly, time and again we've learned that there is little we can do in the moment to stop a person bent on destruction who is prepared to die. In fact, if people could never overcome their fear of death, stopping violent people would be much easier. They'd take fewer risks, and probably be easier to catch and stop.

At the same time though, overcoming one's fear is also a mark of a healthy, mature person. Someone who doesn't deny that the unexpected, and even very disastrous, happens, but who is not crippled by that thought.

I recently finished reading Amanda Ripley's The Unthinkable. It is, absolutely, the most fascinating book I have read in a very long time. I recommend it to anyone.

In the book, Ripley examines people's reactions to unthinkable events by studying people's behaviors during and after events like 9/11, fires, and violent attacks. She looks for not only how people react (which itself is very interesting) but also what qualities and characteristics make a person more likely to survive physically and emotionally after such an event.

One of her interesting findings was that people who do well during and after an attack generally share three main characteristics:
-they feel they can influence their lives (notice influence, not control)
-they believe they can learn lessons from both the good and bad experiences in their lives
-self-confidence

I think those are the three (I finished it before I came to the training, so I don't have it at hand to double check).

You know what? I think these three qualities are also meaningful when we think of how we can just generally thrive in life. Enjoy life. And the great thing is that Ripley explains that while some people may have these qualities in greater or lesser amount because of both genes and upbringing, anyone can grow in these. Honestly, I can also see how an active faith can help you grow in these as well.

Another cool finding in Ripley's book comes when she looks at heroes. There are few commons threads, especially ones that cover more than just a portion of heroes...except one: people who we would call heroes seem nearly across the board to have been raised by parents who did not punish them harshly, but rather reasoned with them, and through that taught them that they should act responsibly in relationship with others. These are the people, who when others are concerned with their own self-interest, are most likely to put that aside (or at least push self-interest to the back of their minds) and take risks to help others.

There are some aspects of Ripley's book that I still have questions about...like how after coming to that conclusion, she still tries to assert that helping others at possible risk to self is merely an evolutionary quality aimed at increasing one's appeal to the opposite sex.

Over all though, the book as really made me think. Be more aware of the situation around me...not paranoid, but educated. When I flew here, I got a seat on an exit row. And I made sure I understood how to open the door. I'm thinking of taking an advanced driving course. I was reminded in her book that in a terrible situation, we cannot really know exactly how we'll react. The best we can try to do is general live calm lives (calmer people react better across the board) and train our brains and muscles how to react when the shock of a moment takes over.

So I've been thinking about all of this as I've watched the news. Mourning how the shooter seemed so miserable, part because he himself struggled with those three qualities. If we believe his writings, largely because of how he was raised. And I wonder how the people in the gym reacted based on their own personalities.

As they told us when we took a Myers Briggs in college, our core personalities are not who we are when we're calm, but who we are under stress. Sadly, too many people have had to faced terrible situations this week.

Still Hopeful, but Starting to Get Grumpy

So Sunday I arrived in Pittsburgh for Stephen Ministry (SM) training. For those who aren't familiar with SM, it's a program through which lay people are trained to provide one-on-one care to others (like someone going through divorce, death, difficulty, etc.).

Before I share my thoughts so far on the training, I want to make one thing clear: I think this program is great. I'm excited to be working with SM at Calvary, and I remain excited about that, despite my experience here so far.

That said, as I wake up this morning, it is with great disappointment and frustration with this training thus far. Thus far, I must admit, I feel like they've been wasting my time. And I don't say that just because I'm clergy and have any special seminary training that they've been repeating. What did they spend yesterday doing? An hour and a half explaining what's in our leader's manual. But not in depth, just long-winded-like. We also spent the better part of the afternoon learning how to brainstorm, evaluate resources, come up with a plan, carry it out, and then review and evaluate how things went. Seriously. Yep, like we're third graders who need critical reading skills or something.

Now I don't doubt there are people here who perhaps haven't done much planning in their lives. You know what though? I would guess the vast majority have. After all, these are all people who are active enough in their local churches that they took a week off to come to this training. (Yes, that's my frustration...I've got the whole rest of the week of this).

They go over these very basic, elementary skills with us, but have yet to really get into details about the SM program. They've got it all backwards! See, here's how this works. You talk about the program. Then you talk about it again. You don't refer people to the written materials for details about the program, rather, you refer them for tips on how to plan. That way the rest of us don't get ticked off at you feeling like you're treating us like children.

I'll stop with the content criticism there. I'm still hopeful it will get better.

And look, I know how complicated it is to lead these sort of gatherings. I've seen and been part of our conference arrangements team, where we dealt with a lot more people than are at this training. I know it's difficult, so it really takes a lot for me to be critical of conferences. I know it's complicated. But on top of the content issues thus far, I am also disappointed in the logistics of the conference.

First, the militant organization. Really, it's ridiculous. Again, like with the content, they're catering to the least competent conference attendee. The rest of us are over it. And it's disrespectful to treat people like they can't keep up. Some people can't. But that's their own fault. Not mine.

Second, the materials sent before the conference said dress it casual. I also expected, given the nature of the material I THOUGHT we'd be covering, that the structure/speaking would be as well. But no. The presenters are dressed in suits, making them even more formal figures, and the structure is lecture. Days. Long days. Of being talked to. In rehearsed, scripted lines. As a public speaker, I could go on and on about how ineffective this all is. But my sense is, they're so dang impressed with themselves that they can't even see that.

There are other things, but I'm not trying to be a grumbler. Though my frustration thus far has, of course, got me grumbling. I'm just surprised and disappointed that for a program that is so great, their training seems to maintain a format that probably worked in the 1980s.

Side note...the main video they showed us was from the 80s, and I'm really offended they couldn't be bothered to make a new one some time since then. It makes me feel like they don't really care. Like they're phoning it in. The video isn't even all that good for what it is.

I'm concerned about SM going into the future. Younger generations like myself are going to have a really hard time getting connected as leaders when the training is so poorly formatted for TODAY. The lack of authenticity is troubling. The scriptedness is disconcerting (good scriptedness looks like none at all).

Well, off to the third day. Hopefully I can make it through without too much frustration today. I hope they actually start talking about the program. Because I'd really like to learn more. After all, that is why I came...