Last night my husband and I picked up our guests for the next few days, a Korean Methodist pastor and his wife. YoungKwan and WonSuk will be with us till Sunday afternoon, when they'll go to a second host family until Annual Conference. They're part of a 9-person delegation from the South conference visiting this year.
I hosted two years ago when a delegation came from the same conference, and it was a challenging but great experience. My only hesitation this year was that I'd done it before and thought others should have the chance (sadly, they didn't have the problem of too many people offering to host).
Our day has started slowly so far...owing in large part to the fact that after 27 hours of travel, the jet lag has understandably hit them hard. We did venture to Panera this morning for breakfast and a meeting, then I showed them both my current church and the one I'll be at July 1 (so Jefferson and Calvary, respectively). But then we headed home, and they're resting now. We're off with my husband and brothers tonight to the Orioles game, though, so that should be fun. Tomorrow we're off to DC, and Saturday will mostly be a day around camp.
It's always so interesting to hear about how church "works" in other places, even when it's basically the same denomination/order. YoungKwan and WonSuk and their two children live in an apartment the floor below their rented church space. They have 20 or so children, and about as many adults. They started the church ten years ago. When we visited Calvary, and I explained it was built in the 1930s, and wasn't a terribly old church by US standards (Jefferson was built in 1828) they said it would be a very old church in Korea.
Having hosted before, I'm slightly better prepared, but each person is different, and it's also different hosting now with a husband to help (though he's busy with camp) rather than as a single woman (which the couple two years ago just couldn't get over! (in a humorous way)
But all of this is a cool reminder about how people on (literally mostly) opposite sides of the world can share in the same ministry, and even when there are major differences in how they do things and in their cultures, have a lot to learn from and share with each other.
I hear them waking up, so it's off to baseball soon...and a lot more learning...
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Finishing Well
Everyone talks about "finishing well" when you are leaving an appointment. The problem is, no one seems to agree on what that means. And we'll all allow for the fact that each setting has a difference need in that "finishing" period.
I'm a planner. Now, I'm not crazed about it...I hope. I realize that you can't plan everything. I just figure that if I can plan what I can, then when the unexpected happens, at least you've got fewer moving pieces. After struggling when I started in ministry to get into a routine that worked for me, I found that planning out sermon series and programming months out really kept me motivated and driving forward.
So imagine my difficulty with this whole "finishing well." Trying to stay as focused when I've got only weeks left as I can when I've got a whole year ahead, is particularly difficult for me. Part of the problem, I think, is that I over-planned this transition time weeks ago. There were major issues that needed to be addressed which too far less to resolve than I'd feared. So what I thought would end up being weeks of meetings capped with a charge conference resolved itself in a week of meetings. Two weeks ago.
If I wasn't moving this summer, I'd be looking at fall programming and preparing for adult studies, special events, etc. But that would be my appointment, and at any rate, in the four years I've been here people have come to leadership in the congregation who have the children's ministry, at least, running well. I'd like there to be more for youth, but I don't want to start a new pattern for their program now...only to have it changed in a month.
I've got visitation to do before I go, but I've got a plan for doing that, so there's no reason to panic there.
I do well when I'm driving hard. So this waiting and easing out is difficult for me. I think I am finishing well, but when you're used to going non-stop, it's hard to equate "easing out" with "finishing well". I think I just don't function very efficiently at all though, when I'm not go, go, go.
The good news is, I'm totally swamped with stuff for Annual Conference--between contacting retirees and the families of deceased, trying to tie together details for special meals. With any luck I'll dig myself out from most of that today.
My husband Chris knew I'd have a hard time with this period. He knows how impatient I am. Once I've made a decision or a decision has been made, I want to move on. But it's good to be forced to slow down and make sure you're ready sometimes. I'll survive. And with any luck, I'll not just survive, but maybe also make a respectable attempt at finishing well.
I'm a planner. Now, I'm not crazed about it...I hope. I realize that you can't plan everything. I just figure that if I can plan what I can, then when the unexpected happens, at least you've got fewer moving pieces. After struggling when I started in ministry to get into a routine that worked for me, I found that planning out sermon series and programming months out really kept me motivated and driving forward.
So imagine my difficulty with this whole "finishing well." Trying to stay as focused when I've got only weeks left as I can when I've got a whole year ahead, is particularly difficult for me. Part of the problem, I think, is that I over-planned this transition time weeks ago. There were major issues that needed to be addressed which too far less to resolve than I'd feared. So what I thought would end up being weeks of meetings capped with a charge conference resolved itself in a week of meetings. Two weeks ago.
If I wasn't moving this summer, I'd be looking at fall programming and preparing for adult studies, special events, etc. But that would be my appointment, and at any rate, in the four years I've been here people have come to leadership in the congregation who have the children's ministry, at least, running well. I'd like there to be more for youth, but I don't want to start a new pattern for their program now...only to have it changed in a month.
I've got visitation to do before I go, but I've got a plan for doing that, so there's no reason to panic there.
I do well when I'm driving hard. So this waiting and easing out is difficult for me. I think I am finishing well, but when you're used to going non-stop, it's hard to equate "easing out" with "finishing well". I think I just don't function very efficiently at all though, when I'm not go, go, go.
The good news is, I'm totally swamped with stuff for Annual Conference--between contacting retirees and the families of deceased, trying to tie together details for special meals. With any luck I'll dig myself out from most of that today.
My husband Chris knew I'd have a hard time with this period. He knows how impatient I am. Once I've made a decision or a decision has been made, I want to move on. But it's good to be forced to slow down and make sure you're ready sometimes. I'll survive. And with any luck, I'll not just survive, but maybe also make a respectable attempt at finishing well.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Graduation Parties
So my brother Dan is an RA in upperclass housing at Drew. And I don't know why I hadn't even thought of it when we (my other two sibs and mom) decided to just stay at his place for the night before graduation, but it was rocking here last night! There are, I have to admit, days that I miss my own time working in Res Life. Last night was one of those time I remembered why I'm glad to be out!
I mean, these seniors had a rocking time, including an inflatable pool (complete with inflatable dolphin and palm tree), an apparently endless amount of alcohol, and of course that one guy who yelled (we could hear even with the windows closed), "OKAY, NOW LET'S STREAK!" Ah, college kids.
This morning, it will be the same as it is on graduation mornings around the country...those same partiers will drag themselves from bed (some maybe never even made it there...) put on a robe, walk across a stage, and be thrown out into the world that actually has very little patience (certainly less than campus security seems to have) for graduation-eve-type partiers. What was fun in college becomes, eventually, a liability. The guy who always had a beer in hand may end up the guy going to AA meetings. But maybe he ends up the guy who marries young, has a bunch of kids with his high school sweetheart, lives happy and healthy for a long life.
The truth is, you never really know. And you can never go back. Even returning for reunion weekends isn't the same. Visiting professors never feels quite the same as it was to be their student. And even without bemoaning the pains of adulthood (it really can be pretty awesome even allowing for, you know, the grown-up worries of it all) you can never recapture the college life. Well, except perhaps if you go to grad school...but then it's only for a little while...
But perhaps last night partiers are indeed very wise young men and women. Maybe they understand all of this...and that's precisely why they stayed up so late having fun with each other. What's a little nodding off during the graduation speech if it means you got a few mroe minutes to be a college students.
Whatever they intended...it's pretty hard for me to resist the urge to run through the halls with a fog horn. I mean, they DO have to walk that stage. And you know, having kept us up, it seems only fair!
I won't though. I'm a grown up after all. :-)
I mean, these seniors had a rocking time, including an inflatable pool (complete with inflatable dolphin and palm tree), an apparently endless amount of alcohol, and of course that one guy who yelled (we could hear even with the windows closed), "OKAY, NOW LET'S STREAK!" Ah, college kids.
This morning, it will be the same as it is on graduation mornings around the country...those same partiers will drag themselves from bed (some maybe never even made it there...) put on a robe, walk across a stage, and be thrown out into the world that actually has very little patience (certainly less than campus security seems to have) for graduation-eve-type partiers. What was fun in college becomes, eventually, a liability. The guy who always had a beer in hand may end up the guy going to AA meetings. But maybe he ends up the guy who marries young, has a bunch of kids with his high school sweetheart, lives happy and healthy for a long life.
The truth is, you never really know. And you can never go back. Even returning for reunion weekends isn't the same. Visiting professors never feels quite the same as it was to be their student. And even without bemoaning the pains of adulthood (it really can be pretty awesome even allowing for, you know, the grown-up worries of it all) you can never recapture the college life. Well, except perhaps if you go to grad school...but then it's only for a little while...
But perhaps last night partiers are indeed very wise young men and women. Maybe they understand all of this...and that's precisely why they stayed up so late having fun with each other. What's a little nodding off during the graduation speech if it means you got a few mroe minutes to be a college students.
Whatever they intended...it's pretty hard for me to resist the urge to run through the halls with a fog horn. I mean, they DO have to walk that stage. And you know, having kept us up, it seems only fair!
I won't though. I'm a grown up after all. :-)
Friday, May 15, 2009
Baccalaureate
My brother Daniel graduates from Drew University tomorrow with an MDiv. Despite the fact the I got the very same degree from Duke, our two experiences were s different--and these differences are highlighted by the closures--Baccalaureate, Graduation, etc.
I'm sitting waiting for Drew's Baccalaureate...interfaith, sparcely attended, held in a gym, kicked off by. Women's a-cappella group singing Sarah McLauchlin's "Arms of an Angel". Now, o guess for a universit-wide service this is appropriate. I realize we were a bit spoiled at Duke.
Our Baccalaureate was ours alone. It was full on Christian--the kind of high church Methodism (Anglican envy almost) that characterizes the Div School at Duke. Everyone attended--as opposed to the next day's university graduation, when only a few of us robed. (Oprah wasn't the speaker then...perhaps more of my classmates would have braved the graduation heat).
For me this just reminds me how much these places shape us. From longing for stone work in a church to searching the bulletin hard to find a hint of Scripture reading. Duke, like any seminary, shakes us up and spits us out, for better or worse molded by the community and life we've shared there.
Daniel seems quite at ease at this Baccalaureate. It is the experience he's had here-one that opens his heart to all the differences around us. And who knows. Maybe someday I'll drag him down to Pastor's School at Duke, and he can get all drawn into the organ, robes, etc.
Oooo...here we go though...any service that starts with Mark Miller processing with a drum is going to be good...stone walls or not...
I'm sitting waiting for Drew's Baccalaureate...interfaith, sparcely attended, held in a gym, kicked off by. Women's a-cappella group singing Sarah McLauchlin's "Arms of an Angel". Now, o guess for a universit-wide service this is appropriate. I realize we were a bit spoiled at Duke.
Our Baccalaureate was ours alone. It was full on Christian--the kind of high church Methodism (Anglican envy almost) that characterizes the Div School at Duke. Everyone attended--as opposed to the next day's university graduation, when only a few of us robed. (Oprah wasn't the speaker then...perhaps more of my classmates would have braved the graduation heat).
For me this just reminds me how much these places shape us. From longing for stone work in a church to searching the bulletin hard to find a hint of Scripture reading. Duke, like any seminary, shakes us up and spits us out, for better or worse molded by the community and life we've shared there.
Daniel seems quite at ease at this Baccalaureate. It is the experience he's had here-one that opens his heart to all the differences around us. And who knows. Maybe someday I'll drag him down to Pastor's School at Duke, and he can get all drawn into the organ, robes, etc.
Oooo...here we go though...any service that starts with Mark Miller processing with a drum is going to be good...stone walls or not...
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Stages of Ministry
I've been pondering the different stages of ministry lately--both because of the ongoing appointment process, but also because of my involvement in the annual conference worship planning...recent weeks have included...
-buying the gifts for the ordinands
-contacting families of this year's deceased pastors (and spouses and lay members to conference)
-contacting this year's retirees
-working through transitional/key issues in my current appointment
-beginning preparations for my new appointment
-"overhearing" my brother's appointment to part-time ministry and his candidacy journey
-hearing of others' appointments
-pondering the effects of clergy misconduct on the church
-a teen hearing a call to ministry
On and on.
What is cool, I think, is the way as United Methodists that we're always engaged in these (okay, you could try to avoid them, I guess, but it would be hard) because of the connectional system. We're always in touch with these various stages of ministry because we're surrounded by people with whom we share this ministry journey who are also at different places. Or people going through similar things who are nonetheless at different places.
Here's an example. One of my supervising pastors from seminary, Scott, is--like me--being reappointed this year. But at that point, the similarities diminish. Scott has a much longer period in ministry, and has been at his current church longer than me. He's going to a church where he and his wife will co-pastor. On and on. But in the midst of all that, it's kind of cool to think of how we are all in this together.
At the same time, I've been feeling quite reflective of my own stages of ministry. I guess that's normal as I prepare for a new appointment. I've been remembering what it was like to anticipate starting at my current appointment. It was different then. I was so ready to be done with school (now, of course, days to sit around and read theology and scripture sounds divine). I wanted to get out and put into practice all I learned. Now I wish I could go back because I'd really be able to soak in what I needed to know.
And then there was starting. Arriving for this new adventure. Discovering myself and my appointment more and more as time passed. Now I wish I'd known even more when I started--hence my extensive attempt to pass on info to the new pastor (for example, I wanted to make sure to show him where ALL of the sanctuary light switches are--no one ever told me and I discovered another switch after several months!).
There's also something significant, it seems to me, when all of a sudden, you job really becomes a career (now I know ministry is a "life"...but you know what I mean). I think it's tied up in getting the SECOND job in the same field. I mean, the first is a fluke, right? It's when you start progressing (one way or another) that a career is made. I've started thinking in more tangible ways of what this "career" may entail, and the opportunity to be able to "think back about my first appointment" still seems like a strange concept...and perhaps will for a while even when I start at Calvary.
I think it's somewhat natural for a pastor to identify themselves with their appointments to an extent (this can of course be taken to unhealthy lengths) so it will be interesting to see what it feels like to change such a huge piece of this part of my identity. After all, all the other transitions in my personal life involved a change at a turning point. High school to college. College to grad school. Grad school to commissioning and an appointment. Now, I face a transition within this one thing. It's a big transition, but it's not so directly a new phase of my life...but in other ways it really is.
One of the things I learned about myself as Chris and I prepared to be married and I've been reminded of recently as I have packed books for my new office (Chris is happy because it halves the amount of book shelves we need at home!) is how much I don't like packing. It's emotionally exhausting for me. You'd think because we moved so much as kids, with dad as a pastor, I'd be used to it. And there are parts that I am. But there's something about packing and sealing boxes that just strikes me as DEPRESSING! Even when I'm otherwise very excited about the move.
Because I roomed with my sister at camp for the months before the wedding, Chris and I had packed and moved all my stuff a month before the wedding. I remember standing in the parsonage, in the midst of boxes, just overcome. I was so excited about what this move represented, but the drain of such a big change was still a lot. I had no reservations about the marriage, but the energy and emotion invested in it all was just exhausting.
I think the same is true now. In my head and in my heart I'm excited about this move. But the unknown still haunts, and the self-questioning (Am I up to it? Will I do well? Will they like me? Will I like them? Will I be able to be myself? What will their expectations of me be? What don't I know that I should? etc) never ends.
But in the midst of all of that, the very transitions that have been scary in the past, good or bad as they were, remind me of what I need to face this one: God has been with me in all of these, and God will be with me. I love the words from the song "Can't Give Up Now" by gospel group Mary Mary:
Nobody told me the road would be easy
and I don`t believe he brought me this far to leave me
And I guess that's it. For all the stages of ministry, what we do know and have confidence in is that God is in all of this. Maybe not always exactly how we'd like. And maybe the overwhelming, scary, and even downright painful parts of these transitions can't be made easy in a moment. But God who has brought us this far calls us forth, and that's something. In fact, that's everything.
-buying the gifts for the ordinands
-contacting families of this year's deceased pastors (and spouses and lay members to conference)
-contacting this year's retirees
-working through transitional/key issues in my current appointment
-beginning preparations for my new appointment
-"overhearing" my brother's appointment to part-time ministry and his candidacy journey
-hearing of others' appointments
-pondering the effects of clergy misconduct on the church
-a teen hearing a call to ministry
On and on.
What is cool, I think, is the way as United Methodists that we're always engaged in these (okay, you could try to avoid them, I guess, but it would be hard) because of the connectional system. We're always in touch with these various stages of ministry because we're surrounded by people with whom we share this ministry journey who are also at different places. Or people going through similar things who are nonetheless at different places.
Here's an example. One of my supervising pastors from seminary, Scott, is--like me--being reappointed this year. But at that point, the similarities diminish. Scott has a much longer period in ministry, and has been at his current church longer than me. He's going to a church where he and his wife will co-pastor. On and on. But in the midst of all that, it's kind of cool to think of how we are all in this together.
At the same time, I've been feeling quite reflective of my own stages of ministry. I guess that's normal as I prepare for a new appointment. I've been remembering what it was like to anticipate starting at my current appointment. It was different then. I was so ready to be done with school (now, of course, days to sit around and read theology and scripture sounds divine). I wanted to get out and put into practice all I learned. Now I wish I could go back because I'd really be able to soak in what I needed to know.
And then there was starting. Arriving for this new adventure. Discovering myself and my appointment more and more as time passed. Now I wish I'd known even more when I started--hence my extensive attempt to pass on info to the new pastor (for example, I wanted to make sure to show him where ALL of the sanctuary light switches are--no one ever told me and I discovered another switch after several months!).
There's also something significant, it seems to me, when all of a sudden, you job really becomes a career (now I know ministry is a "life"...but you know what I mean). I think it's tied up in getting the SECOND job in the same field. I mean, the first is a fluke, right? It's when you start progressing (one way or another) that a career is made. I've started thinking in more tangible ways of what this "career" may entail, and the opportunity to be able to "think back about my first appointment" still seems like a strange concept...and perhaps will for a while even when I start at Calvary.
I think it's somewhat natural for a pastor to identify themselves with their appointments to an extent (this can of course be taken to unhealthy lengths) so it will be interesting to see what it feels like to change such a huge piece of this part of my identity. After all, all the other transitions in my personal life involved a change at a turning point. High school to college. College to grad school. Grad school to commissioning and an appointment. Now, I face a transition within this one thing. It's a big transition, but it's not so directly a new phase of my life...but in other ways it really is.
One of the things I learned about myself as Chris and I prepared to be married and I've been reminded of recently as I have packed books for my new office (Chris is happy because it halves the amount of book shelves we need at home!) is how much I don't like packing. It's emotionally exhausting for me. You'd think because we moved so much as kids, with dad as a pastor, I'd be used to it. And there are parts that I am. But there's something about packing and sealing boxes that just strikes me as DEPRESSING! Even when I'm otherwise very excited about the move.
Because I roomed with my sister at camp for the months before the wedding, Chris and I had packed and moved all my stuff a month before the wedding. I remember standing in the parsonage, in the midst of boxes, just overcome. I was so excited about what this move represented, but the drain of such a big change was still a lot. I had no reservations about the marriage, but the energy and emotion invested in it all was just exhausting.
I think the same is true now. In my head and in my heart I'm excited about this move. But the unknown still haunts, and the self-questioning (Am I up to it? Will I do well? Will they like me? Will I like them? Will I be able to be myself? What will their expectations of me be? What don't I know that I should? etc) never ends.
But in the midst of all of that, the very transitions that have been scary in the past, good or bad as they were, remind me of what I need to face this one: God has been with me in all of these, and God will be with me. I love the words from the song "Can't Give Up Now" by gospel group Mary Mary:
Nobody told me the road would be easy
and I don`t believe he brought me this far to leave me
And I guess that's it. For all the stages of ministry, what we do know and have confidence in is that God is in all of this. Maybe not always exactly how we'd like. And maybe the overwhelming, scary, and even downright painful parts of these transitions can't be made easy in a moment. But God who has brought us this far calls us forth, and that's something. In fact, that's everything.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Rain
So I understand all the reasons the rain is good. Really, I do. Living out in the country, I promise, I do. And I know this has of late become a cliche on Facebook and Twitter...but...I miss the sun! :-/
This morning, trying to stick to my decision to rock the socks of the Virgin Healthmiles pedometer I get through my GBPHB plan, I headed out to walk in the rain for the third or fourth time this week. Mercifully if didn't rain the entire time...and I know the heat of the summer will make the walk unpleasant, but boy I cannot wait for a nice clear, sunny day to walk!
Otherwise, though, the rain has been only partially inconvenient for the rest of my week, since I've spent the greater part of it in meetings. Ad Council meetings. Finance meetings. Tonight a parsonage trustees meeting. I guess that's just the cost of preparing for a new pastor to arrive while also reconfiguring a charge relationship. The good news is, thus far, things seem to be going ok. And once I get through this week, I won't have many meetings left here.
I noticed that UM Communications was pretty busy yesterday on twitter updating about the ReThink church campaign kick-offs in DC and New York. Laying aside my general suspicion of our denomination getting too giddy with its own marketing, I'm excited to see where this goes. I hope it really becomes a movement, a change of thinking, for the entire denomination, not just a PR line. It ties in with the 10 Thousand Doors line too. Check out more at www.10thousanddoors.org and www.rethinkchurch.org.
What do you think of the whole ReThink Church thing?
This morning, trying to stick to my decision to rock the socks of the Virgin Healthmiles pedometer I get through my GBPHB plan, I headed out to walk in the rain for the third or fourth time this week. Mercifully if didn't rain the entire time...and I know the heat of the summer will make the walk unpleasant, but boy I cannot wait for a nice clear, sunny day to walk!
Otherwise, though, the rain has been only partially inconvenient for the rest of my week, since I've spent the greater part of it in meetings. Ad Council meetings. Finance meetings. Tonight a parsonage trustees meeting. I guess that's just the cost of preparing for a new pastor to arrive while also reconfiguring a charge relationship. The good news is, thus far, things seem to be going ok. And once I get through this week, I won't have many meetings left here.
I noticed that UM Communications was pretty busy yesterday on twitter updating about the ReThink church campaign kick-offs in DC and New York. Laying aside my general suspicion of our denomination getting too giddy with its own marketing, I'm excited to see where this goes. I hope it really becomes a movement, a change of thinking, for the entire denomination, not just a PR line. It ties in with the 10 Thousand Doors line too. Check out more at www.10thousanddoors.org and www.rethinkchurch.org.
What do you think of the whole ReThink Church thing?
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