Friday, March 27, 2009

When Eyes Deceive

So I was sitting down at my laptop here in the camp office (the place I come when I really need to buckle down and get stuff done...esp. since I started today early with a meeting at Panera).

At any rate, as I was trying to figure out what to write about today, I looked out the window across the field to the dining hall. What I saw looked like smoke creeping along the slope of the roof. I immediately told myself, "No, it couldn't be smoke." And I remembered that just minutes earlier, just before the sun came out, fog had covered the area. But my eyes just couldn't believe it wasn't smoke. I walked out and stood there...for a few minutes, I think, just staring, trying to let me mind adjust to the reality that my eyes were not seeing what they thought they were. Finally, my mind finished processing and understood the fog thing (what can I say, it's early). I did step inside the dining hall for a moment though, on my way back to the office, just to be 100% sure...

I think this kind of summarizes, actually, some of the things I've been facing lately. The challenge of seeing what is really there, and not being mislead or confused by our own perceptions. For pastors this is quite difficult, because you're dealing not just with people with a whole range of perceptions about what is happening, but because of the nature of the issue involved, these perceptions are quite sacred to them.

The thing is, though, it's not enough to just let perceptions be perceptions and give up any idea that there is truth. Or reality. The fact is, what I saw on the roof was NOT smoke. It was the remnants of fog. Just because my initial perception was that it was smoke doesn't make that any more true.

It's a difficult distinction to make. Sometimes the issues we face really are just about different opinions. And in those cases, we do well to appreciate that we all come with different views of a situation. Sometimes we don't do well (well, I'll speak for myself at least)...at the whole think and let think thing.

At the same time though, sometimes we fail to stand up for what it true, what is real, in the face of that which is not. For the sake of "peace", we sacrifice our vision and create even greater confusion around us. As much as people are looking for pastors who have open minds and open hearts, many are also looking for pastors who can confront the painful realities in our lives.

I'm still quite enamored with the book Leading Through Change which comes out of the work of the Harvard Business Review folks. The book makes the distinction between facing "technical problems" and "adaptive challenges." The former are problems we basically have the solutions or skills for. They can be resolved by a small group, even just one person. But then there are adaptive challenges. These require the entire group to adopt new ways of thinking. Everyone has to give up something. Too often, the authors explain, leaders concede to the fears around them and approach adaptive challenges as if they are technical problems. You can imagine the far-reaching effects of this.

I think this touch on this challenge of seeing things clearly. Both leaders and followers are invested in the hope for easy solutions. But so often, in our very earnest hope for that, we fail to see what is right in front of us. We miss the forest for the trees.

I think I'll be looking a bit more carefully today...trying not to let my eyes deceive, but really looking to see what is happening...what is out there...because sometimes, you don't really see a thing on first glance...

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Letters

I'm spending today trying to get a handle on the next few months. July 1, my life will change a lot--as I start my new appointment at Calvary UMC. Between today and July 1, however, is a still busy ministry at Jefferson and the charge, and I don't want to let anything get overlooked--both that ongoing ministry happenings and the preparations for transition.

This morning I managed to at least get through the Sundays through June--deciding which text to preach, and beginning to think of an overarching theme (I like themes...they keep me from falling too severely in my natural tendency to diverge a million difference ways). Things are already planned through Easter, and I'll be away the Sunday after Easter, so that leaves 9 Sundays. And other than Pentecost (when I definitely preach the Acts reading), I've decided to preach the lectionary's epistle lessons.

This seems quite appropriate to me, I think, since Paul wrote his letters to a variety of different churches, all of whom capture something about the church still today. And I think even today, in this world of blogging, YouTube, Twitter, etc., letters still have this powerful impact that little other things do.

Paul's letters, like any good letter, are generally written (with perhaps the exception of Romans) to people he knows...and knows pretty well. They are people he has a relationship with, people for whom the letters are a continuation of a conversation already ongoing.

Also, there's something remarkable about the power of the written word--even when we lament our general lack of good spelling and grammar. To put something on paper is to make it real. Spoken words are powerful, but can only be remembered with some generalities. We can argue over he said-she said all day. But letters give us the opportunity not just to be clear, but to be concise. And to re-read (if we are wise enoguh to do so) out words to make sure we are saying what we mean to. If we want, we can even ask others to edit as well. A little editing and proofing could do us all a lot of good these days.

Of course, there are always exceptions. Some of the most powerful moments in history happened through spoken word, and further, when the speaker came off-script. But As I prepare to leave, this focus on letters, and Paul's letters at that, I think is a very fitting way to draw my time in this appointment to a close.

One of my recurring topics of thought (those little things you keep in the back of your mind for the right moment, or even just when you're looking for something to ponder) is what I would title an autobiography. Titles that have appealed to me at various times in my life include, "My Life as a Designated Driver," "Blue Blazes," etc. One of my latest is, "Letters I Never Sent." I like that last one, because for all the letters I have sent, there are some whose sole purpose was to give me a safe way to vent, to dream, or to reflect. For all the letters I've ever sent, some of my most meaningful ones are those that only I have seen. And I have heard of others who have done the same.

What is the different between the letters that get sent and those that do not? I think the way each of us answers that says a lot about how we look at life. So I guess my task in the coming months is to ponder why Paul sent the letters he did...why these didn't remain ones he held onto, and what it is that he (and maybe even I) have to say that shouldn't be kept hidden. And to discern the difference.

Going about the business of this past week, the serenity prayer came to my mind...though I know it, I often keep it filed in the back of my mind. But today its words speak to me:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Inevitable

The theme for this week's sermon is: INEVITABLE

Check out the quotes below...the first is one that Chris actually uses during summer camp as a way to encourage the kids to approach the new week of camp with excitement and an open mind:

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”
-Charles R. Swindoll

“I am responsible. Although I may not be able to prevent the worst from happening, I am responsible for my attitude toward the inevitable misfortunes that darken life. Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have – life itself.”
-Walter Anderson

“Change is inevitable. Change for the better is a full-time job.”
-Adlai E. Stevenson

“Have the courage to live. Anyone can die.”
-Robert Cody

“I am convinced that it is not the fear of death, of our lives ending that haunts our sleep so much as the fear... that as far as the world is concerned, we might as well never have lived.”
-Harold Kushner

Flashback to my Temping Days

Back in high school, I spent one summer working as an office temp. I found that it is a job that I'm actually pretty good at. Well, except for trying to transfer calls on one of those complicated thing-ys they had at one office...but I disgress...

There's something, as crazy as it sounds, that is kind of relaxing about that sort of work. Especially as compared to being a pastor. Temping, as hectic as it may be, is a job generally that (1) lasts for a limited time, and thus you don't bear the weight of the entire company of you, (2) usually you're there to make everyone else's life a bit easier, which is a happy task to have and (3) you are usually given the least complicated (in mind-numbing) tasks in the place. Oh, and in addition to actually completing tasks, you're generally not expected to take your work home with you.

So...from time to time, and since I was such a smashing success at that, it's fun to try it back out. Today, I'm spending my day off sitting in a cubicle (which is only fun, I'm sure, since I'd don't normally inhabit one) "answering" calls and e-mails at the conference office about Annual Conference registration. I help with worship and some of the meal arrangements, and when Olivia, who coordinates it all, mentioned that she was feeling overwhelmed a bit (in the midst of all this going live, her mom had surgery)...I offered to help. I'm a dork. I know.

The thing is, I spend so much time as a pastor not really knowing if I'm helping...you can work really hard and long as a pastor and so many of your tasks are never completed. Even a delivered sermon merely leads into preparing for the next one. So it's kind of nice, actually, to just be sitting here, focused on the task at hand. The only thing is, the phone hasn't rung in a while, and the e-mails aren't flowing in...apparently last year they got so many e-mails the first day that it crashed the system. I told Olivia that perhaps people are calmer this year. Or perhaps, they're more worried about the great problems of the world, and a little less concerned about the glitches getting worked out THIS MOMENT.

Wouldn't it be nice if t really was because we're all just a bit calmer? Unfortunately, it's probably just because people are just behind this year, and aren't rushing to do much of anything...

Of course, even now I find myself doing all sorts of tasks in my own e-mail that aren't included in today's temping tasks...I can only stare at the gray wall of this cubicle for so long, after all, before even catching up on my own e-mail seems interesting.

And now, I know I'll appreciate the rest of my non-cubicle life that much more. I do think I'll come back and visit my cubicle though. It's a pretty soothing place. Especially while the whole rest of the office is empty and the conference staff are in a meeting...

Silence...

Friday, March 20, 2009

Expectations

This Sunday, my sermon looks at the idea of "expectations," and I've been looking at little elements along the lines of the topic. I've come across some cool quotes though (from www.wisdomquotes.com and www.thinkexist.com)...here are a few:

Dennis Wholey:
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.

Edward de Bono:
Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations.

Henry David Thoreau:
We are always paid for our suspicion by finding what we suspect.

Leo Buscaglia:
Never idealize others. They will never live up to your expectations.

Mark Twain:
A thing long expected takes the form of the unexpected when at last it comes.

Thomas Jefferson:
I'm a great believer in luck and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.

Nobody succeeds beyond his or her wildest expectations unless he or she begins with some wild expectations.
-Ralph Charell

You can't base your life on other people's expectations.
-Stevie Wonder

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Mat Kearney

I am sitting at my computer this morning working on bulletins through Easter. Well, that and a thousand other things. But if I can get these done, I'll have felt early hours were productive. As I sit here, I'm listening to Mat Kearney. We each have those artists that just really capture the words of our hearts and souls, and for me, he is definitely at the top of my list. One of my favorite songs of his is "In the Middle":

------------------------
I meant it all and every part
and every word right from the start
i’ll never let this love fall in the middle

‘cause you know you broke the hardest part
you know you broke the hardest heart
i’ll never let this love fall in the middle
through it all

fifteen years old in a sea of blank faces
swimming bold against a stream that’s mocking as it races
in these halls, mountain high under a tangerine sky
crack a smile just to hide the race that’s inside
eighteen years old bags packed and a pass for the rail
one last look at the past as it drowns in the hail
one in a million, still i keep feeling you keep me from a fall
a world to lose coming back with you tall
through it all

no parachutes or safety nets here
one foot on the water to face these fears
coming out strong like i can’t be wrong
i said eh, i wont fall in the middle

twenty five here i am with freshman lps
one life to write one, two years to repeat
behind a curtain, uncertain if an encore’s in store
tuck my shoulder like a soldier to knock down the door
thirty something here i am running with kisses for one girl
these scars upon my sleeve still casting out my pearls
throw each stone microphone like it’s my last turn
with a kiss to the abyss and watch the ripples return
through it all

and i’m gonna be alright, i’m gonna be alright
with you by my side
and i said i’m gonna be alright, i’m gonna be alright
with you through this fight
through it all

i meant it all and every part
and every word right from the start
i’ll never let this love fall in the middle
through it all
-----------------

For me, it's become an anthem for my life. I love how the chorus echoes Peter trying to talk on water. That story remains a call for all followers of Jesus to be all in...and rely on Jesus.

Sometime you are looking for awesome tunes with incredible lyrics...check Mat's music out!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

New Appointment

I'm getting better at blogging more frequently. It's a discipline to be learned, and is hardest when I don't feel I have much interesting to say. But last week, boy, did I want to blog...constantly. I couldn't, though.

Monday afternoon, I got a call. Honestly, I nearly didn't answer it since I didn't recognize the number (my phone broke a couple weeks ago, and I lost many of my contact numbers). But I answered it, and that call changed everything. The long and short of it is that I have accepted a new appointment as associate pastor of Calvary UMC in Frederick. Okay, that's the "short" of it, only. Last week was one of the longest weeks of my life. You see, it's not just a call, there's a whole process.

It starts with the cabinet (actually, it starts before that, but for our purposes, the main stuff starts with the cabinet and bishop) who meet, during this time of year, on Mondays. Appointments are a domino effect, so they can't all be done at once. A pastor has to have left before a new one can be appointed. All of this, of course, takes a series of weeks. So last week, the cabinet met and prayerfully discerned that I'd be a good fit for that position. That was partly influenced by a number of things, including (1) that position is already vacant, owing to the previous associate moving on, (2) I noted on my "advisory form" that I felt this would be a good year for a move, both for me and my current placement, and (3) God. Number 3 is really quite important all the time, but especially in this case because no one really thought this would happen. There are few retirements this year, which means few openings, and so I'd been cautioned by my DS (and a letter the bishop sent to everyone) that moves this year were unlikely in all but the most absolutely necessary situations.

So...however they arrived at that decision, I got a call, and the meetings started. First, since it's an associate position, I met Tuesday with Ken, the senion pastor there. Now Ken and I know each other quite well, since he was my mentor during my first three years of ministry. The funny thing there was that when he got a call telling him who had been appointed, he didn't recognize my name! Ken was at the wedding! But at first, he didn't know who he was getting. Fortunately, he seems to actually have been quite pleased when he figured out who they were talking about. Ken and I are definitely different sorts of personalities, but I think we'll work really well together, so that's quite exciting for me. Ken and I met, talked about the position, and decided to go ahead with the other meetings.

Now in all of this, I'm not to say anything. There are many reasons for this, including that at some of these points, there is the possibility for the entire appointment to come undone. Also, you don't want people to find this out through the grape vine. This was one of the hardest parts for me. It was difficult to be around people and feel like I was hiding something. Between meetings I had and rescheduling of events, I tried to avoid being in that situation at all. Meanwhile, my husband Chris was of course quite invested in all this. Though he didn't come meet with Ken with me, he dropped me off and milled about Frederick till I was done. Both of us were excited and nervous. I was a bit more emotionally frantic, so he is fortunately a naturally calmer person!

Next come SPRC meetings in the process. Normally you'd meet first with the SPRC (Staff-Parish Relations Committee) of the church you're going to, then the next night the one of the church you're leaving. Since Calvary had an already-scheduled meeting for Thursday, this made for quite a night! First, Chris and I met with the Jefferson-Doubs SPRC at 7 p.m., along with our DS and conference guide. We were there for about 30 minutes, then had to leave, and drive to Calvary where their meeting had started at 7:30 p.m., and they first dealt with other business scheduled. It was tough to share that I was leaving, but for folks this is not their first pastoral transition...for me, it is. It's certainly a very different experience to go from seminary into an appointment than it is to leave one appointment for another. Folks were gracious at the first meeting, and it was exciting at Calvary and folks were very kind and welcoming. Chris and I are very excited about it all!

That said, it will be a bittersweet few months coming, to prepare for the new pastor (who will hopefully be appointed and announced soon) and to try to leave things well. I will be trying not to do too much preparation for getting to Calvary, since I'm still now appointed as the pastor of the Jefferson-Doubs charge. There will be time enough for that...and at any rate, summer's a good time for these appointment changes since things are generally a bit slower and calmer of a pace. I will officially start at Calvary on July 1.

There are many other things going on, and today I'm trying to wrap my head around the coming months and get a plan in place so that nothing gets neglected. As slow as last week went, I have a feeling the next few months will fly by!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Evangelism

Today at Discipler group (a monthly clergy meeting each pastor in my conference has to attend) our topic, for the third month in a row, was evangelism. Now, I must admit, I keep myself interested in these some months by casting a critical eye, which may not be the best thing to do, but it keeps me focused for the 2 1/2 hours at least.

In addition to Discipler groups, I keep bumping up against this (as a topic, of course any Christian should always be bumping up against this) in other areas. It's our theme for Annual Conference this year--and I'm on the worship committee. It's the talk of young adult ministry discussions in the conference, on and on.

In all of this though, I have to say I'm a bit troubled. Now let me say I nowhere claim to e an expert on this. I'm not. At all. I took one course on it in seminary--Women and Evangelism--so I could perhaps tell you more about Catherine Booth than the latest evangelism lingo. But there are something that just bother me...here goes:

-Our definition of evangelism. Look, advertising can be good. And for people looking for something, a clever ad or technique may get them to come to your church. But I am absolutely convinced that the vast majority of real, effective evangelism takes place in the context of authentic relationships. Someone who is not coming to a church, it seems to me, is unlikely to come because you've washed their car. They might, but I don't think that's a logical "plan" to invite people into relationship with God. And I think it might even let Christians off the hook by leading them to think that by advertising they've evangelized. Now the critical among you (I'm one of you, I understand) will remind me that evangelism itself is basically the communication of a message. As is advertising. But I think you know what I mean. I don't want us to congratulate ourselves for an awesome flyer.

-Targeting people. I will never forget Jim Walker, a founder of the Hot Metal Bridge community in Pittsburgh, talking at our conference young adult event a couple years ago. He started by explaining that no one likes to be targeted. Which at least some of us got the humor of, since he'd been invited to come talk on something he fundamentally disagreed with the approach of. Personally, I'm in the church and I don't like being targeted. "Young adult" aimed activities make me even more critical. After all, if it's precisely aimed at me, I'm much pickier about whether I wanted to be part or not. I'm far more patient with activities I know have to appeal to a variety of people. I get that. For evangelism, I think this hits at a point that Christian really struggle with. DO NOT (hear me, DO NOT) walk up to someone you don't know and start talking to them about Jesus. I know you think it's important, and it is. But such an approach evidences that THAT person is not all that important to you (which is very un-Jesus-ish). AND...don't become someone's friend in order to convert them. You wouldn't want someone to just be your friend so that you'd change your political views and start agreeing with them. So don't make their faith journey a notch in your belt.

-Authenticity. This is related to the above point. You know that old saying, "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care"? Works here. Don't try to "target" someone and pretend they don't realize what you're doing. Most people are just going to be reasonably polite...to a point. Don't do something that's not you...it will show. If you're not comfortable in a place, don't try talking to people there about Jesus. Please. It just reinforces their notion that your beliefs are quite different (in a not great way). Let's say God's put it on your heart to minister at a bar or something. If you're not comfortable there, I think you ought to go and get comfortable before you approach it as a place to share your faith.

I guess in all of this, I'm just weary (and tired) when Christian evangelism is kitschy. And I am concerned that if I am, a lot of other people--many of them who might really connect with an authentic relationship with others and God--probably are too. Honestly, I'm tempted to suggest we stop talking about evangelism and start just getting comfortable in our own skins, and stop talking to as many church people (which not only prevents us from interacting with non-Christians, but makes us, I think, a bit uninteresting).

One of the lines I've heard in this whole discussion was basically, "Well, of course as Christians we're supposed to invite people into relationship with Jesus." Not to be too ridiculous, but let me suggest that's not our primary goal. The Westminster Catechism's first question is, "What is the chief end of man?" The answer (and thank you Duke for indoctrinating this into my head) is "to glorify God and enjoy God forever." I'm pretty sure if we thought and lived out this more, we'd be DOING a lot more evangelism.

When I was in res life, by the third (if not second) year of training, the use of "empower" and "community" became such a joke that we'd develop "outlawed words" and, at least in our group, we had to go through each day without using those same words...like community, etc. I wonder what would happen if we tried the same with some of our catch words in the church...like evangelism...community...redemption...and had to only show them by our actions...